Back in His Bed
by xxxMs.Mexxx
Summary: No one controls James Potter, not even Lily Evans. He doesn't take demands from anybody and she has no plans to remain his mistress. An ultimatum was given and a secret revealed but can they overcome their obstacles to at least agree on love?
1. Chapter 1: False Pretences

**A/N: **OKay guys. I am sorry but Chapter 10 of Simply friends is stuck in my head and it does want to get out for me to type. So i took out my frustrations on a new story, which was buzzing around in my head. If different from Simply because is seriously angsty. Its diff from allt eh toher fics i've written because i've NEVER made James seem so mean before. lol but darlings the key owd is SEEM.

I hope you like it but then its a diff genre than my others. Ah well.

PLease review and tell me what you think i may or may not continue based on your reaction to it.

Thank you sooo much.

-Sasha

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**Disclaimer**: I own nothing JK related.

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**Back in his Bed**

_Chapter 1: False Pretences_

Lily Evans looked up at the mansion with a feeling of foreboding. She really didn't want to be here, and in all honesty, was dreading it. The lights of the building spilled merrily out, illuminating the finely sculpted yard that surrounded it.

"It's your last chance to back out," the friendly voice next to her said, which made her smile a little but she wasn't in any mood to be happy.

"I don't think backing out is an option Rourke," she said before sighing a little.

Rourke Lombard grimaced a little before holding out his arm. "Then let's get this show on the road. Your ex wouldn't know what hit him."

"Let's hope so darling," Lily replied as she took in a breath and began to lead the way up the path.

Rourke chuckled, "Alana was laughing when I left you know; my wife has no sympathy for me when I get dressed up like a penguin."

"I expect my cousin would find the situation funny, since she practically runs from fancy dresses herself," Lily commented wryly. "However I do have to thank her for loaning you to be my date for the evening. I wouldn't be able to survive it any other way."

"Not a problem," he said grinning, showing his white teeth off to perfection. "My dashing good looks will be your barrier." He said gallantly and without modesty.

Lily laughed, but she had to admit her cousin chose well when finding her mate. Good looks, humour and brains all rolled up into one. It was a good thing she was in love with someone else or she'd be interested.

The thought caused her a pang of sadness. She really didn't want to be here and in fact would prefer to be a little more than a million miles away but the fact of the matter was she had made a promise. A promise that she couldn't back out of no matter what, because it was more than just her word, it was her pride too. She was going to hold her head up high and show everyone that she could be in the same room as him without a care in the world.

Lily sighed, even if that hadn't been her plan Angela Potter was not a woman to be messed with, she had only smiled at Lily when she'd tried to beg off; apparently she didn't think her being in the same room as her son would be awkward when only two weeks ago they'd broken up.

Or rather, _she_ left him. Angela knew that of course and she probably knew that her anniversary party wouldn't be the best place for Lily to be but being the grand woman she is—or the woman who didn't want anyone else for her son—she tutted away Lily's apology of turning down the invitation of which she would have gone to with her son.

The woman simply said not to worry and to come either alone or with a date.

Ha! Hardly, there was no way in hell she was showing up alone and the chance that she would arrive with boyfriend so soon after her soul was shattered was laughable.

Thank God for family though.

But knowing him, she wouldn't be received well. Their parting was nothing short of a battle. Well technically a one sided battle since her ultimatum had been received with quiet distaste.

He hadn't even raised his voice… hadn't even asked her to repeat what she'd said. He'd simply given the James Potter acceptance, a half shrug, the calm, unruffled approach he took to all matters of unimportance. And apparently to them.

Them. What a horrible little word. Them, just "the" with an m tacked on at the end.

Them.

But them in his point of view, the terms of James Potter and Lily Evans meant only one thing — sex. Hot, hungry, insatiable sex.

Just thinking of it — James — her body ached inwardly, the terrible craving still there, beneath the surface, her emotions still so volatile.

Any second he would appear and because she had no form of defence for her feelings she was half afraid that she would just run away at a glance.

But no, she was made out of stronger material than that. Her resolve to be worth something was strong because _mistress_ was an ugly term and she wasn't going to be that in reference to James Potter.

Highest NEWTS achiever by a girl in her year, graduated top of her class as Valedictorian and Head Girl, so there was no way she was going to let a man get the better of her.

None.

Then …

"What the hell are you doing here?"

The familiar tone sent icy prickles rippling down Lily's spine as they entered the hall. _James._

She stiffened helplessly, the hair rising on her nape. Slowly she turned toward the voice, her body hot and then cold and hot again. From the beginning she'd always been aware of James as pure energy, a life force—one that completely overwhelmed her own. And then she saw him. He was looking ferocious standing their in the middle of the staircase.

"James," She said with a nod of her head. She was going to be polite if it killed her. A squeeze on her hand indicated what she had forgotten at seeing him. "Err this is Rourke Lombard, my cou—" she said but Rourke interrupted and she looked at him.

"Call me Rourke, nice to meet you," he said pleasantly and Lily could only wonder what on earth the man was doing. She'd known him a long time, worked at the Ministry with him, introduced him to her cousin and yet she was still unable to read his expressions.

James didn't move…didn't bother with answer. His gaze was still on Lily. "I asked you a question."

Clearing her throat Lily said, "Your mother invited me."

"That is of no consequence since it occurred _before_. Now I think you," he said and flicked a glance at Rourke, "And your _friend_ should leave." He said his tone less than inflicting of his anger and the implication he made had her going beet red. He actually thought Rourke was her…lover.

"She re-invited me last week," she told him haughtily and he scowled.

"Well I don't want you here. Leave." He said but before she could come up with a witty—or more importantly—a manageable reply Angela Potter breezed into the room.

"Lily dear, its good of you to come," She said pulling her into a hug then took a glance at Rourke. "And you must introduce me to your young man."

She was all smiles and Lily felt a pang of guilt, it was one thing to let James continue thinking that he was her lover but it was another to lie to his mother. Angela meant a lot to her and she was not going to alienate the other woman.

"His name is Rourke Lombard, Angie but he's n—," She said but Angela caught the panic look on her face and cut her off.

"Of course, he's not sure if he's welcome, don't worry I assure you I'm fine with having the both of you here." She said and hugged her again. "Cousin?" she whispered.

Startled Lily looked at her. Rourke though who was close enough to hear grinned, "Cousin-in-law." He whispered.

Angela laughed. "Good." And before she led them through to the hall whispered again, "things will work themselves out dear."

Lily just stared at the other woman wearily; it must be the best feeling in the world that—being optimistic.

Her hand involuntarily fell to her lower abdomen, touching it briefly before letting it flutter away.

Optimism was great and all but it wasn't something she herself could ever indulge in if she wanted to shield what she loved.

…

James felt his ire rise. The sight of her walking through the doorway had filled him with quiet fury at her audacity.

How dare she show her face here? And he thought, almost snorting with disgust, with a pretty boy no less. James wasn't about to question just where she found that smiling son of a bitch but he wanted them gone.

This was no place for her and her new lover. She should damn well know that. Never mind that his mother was encouraging her, she should know better than to cross him.

She was the one who left _him_, so her rights no longer mattered to him.

…

Lily sensed more than saw the fury etched on James' face and though she knew that rightfully that emotion belonged to her she wasn't in the mood to contest it.

Angie put a comforting hand on her shoulder before calling out to her son. "James," she said as she began to draw Lily forward. "Why don't you find out what's keeping your lady friend?"

Lily stumbled slightly missing a step but Rourke, swearing colourfully under his breath, braced her and they all continued forward. The pit of her stomach twisted and she felt close to throwing up.

And as the cold chill worked its way into her soul, Lily couldn't help but feel strength in her resolve to protect what was hers from a man who threw away the emotions that people tried give him.

And she had tried, however her downfall was hoping that he might have wanted to give those same feelings in return.

…

James angrily knocked on the door of one of the many guest rooms in his mother's house, before entering without consent.

"Oh darling," Fiona Patrick faintly purred before she turned to walk towards him with catlike grace. "I was just getting ready to come down" she said placing her hand against his chest.

James wasn't in the mood for any touchy feely moments. Taking her hand he moved it away from him and placed it at her side, gently. Alienating her didn't seem like the best option since tonight held _other_ communication for them.

His goal tonight had been to initiate himself back into the world of the living. He'd already wasted too much time thinking about his last relationship that should have been over a long time ago.

However wanting to end and needing to end it and fallen very far from each other. That is until she presented her ultimatum to him. And of course _that_ made it all the easier to place his decision because _nobody_ demands anything from James Potter.

"Let's go, my mother will be serving dinner soon." He said but his mind flashed back to when she had come…when she had dared to enter his vicinity at all let alone when he was least expecting her.

Her audacity knew no bounds, but one thing was for sure, he wasn't about to let her presence bother him or sway him from living his life the way he had before she had entered the picture.

"Of course," she said compliantly and they both left the room to descend the stairs to the hall.

…

"You still haven't answered my question." The voice said from the shadows and spinning around Lily held in a shocked breath.

She had thought she was alone on the terrace, she should have known better. Leaning on the banister she rubbed her arms against the sudden chill she felt.

"What do you want with me James?" she asked and was proud of the way her voice held firm, even while she was hurting.

She'd been staying as far away from him as she could but since mutual friends were there, avoidance was very difficult for her to do.

"I want to know what you are doing here, in my life when you more than suggested that it was the last place you wanted to be."

Lily swallowed; she was not going to let him what was left of her life. "Your mother is very important to me; I didn't want her to think I was punishing her even though she had nothing to do with our break up."

Silence followed her words and she looked up to meet his gaze, which were cold and unflinching.

"You need to work on your word choice there love," he said maliciously. "But of course, you shouldn't care what my mother thinks; she has after all known all the women I've ever seen. You, my dear are just one of the many. Nothing special."

His words hit more painfully than anything she'd ever felt before. It was alls he could do not to break down a cry. With her hormones acting up, it was hard.

Taking a few breaths to calm down she answered, "Then what are you doing here talking to me?" But her voice was still far too shaky for it to sound as if she didn't car for his words. "You should be with the other one of your _many_ women." She said and was proud when her steady voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Careful darling, you almost sound jealous," he said coldly. "You wouldn't want to drive off your boy toy so early if he heard you, now would you?"

"Now who sounds jealous, _darling_?" Lily retorted. "Rourke is far more loyal and trusting that you ever was or will be. I have nothing, do you hear me, _nothing_ to fear where he is concerned."

Lily stood there as he took in her words, and then before she knew it he was there, in front of her, crowding her against the hard concrete of the banister.

"And I suppose, the loyalty of a dog is more important than passion for you, isn't it?" he said taking hold of her hands to pin them at her side.

Trembling Lily could only stare up at him in defiance.

Bending suddenly his mouth claimed hers, leaving nothing out, leaving no way for her to protest because he, in his all consuming heat knew just how her body responded to him.

And traitorously so, her body began to ache because even though she willed her lips not to move her breasts tightened from the closeness of his body and her stomach ached to be nearer.

Then just as suddenly as the kiss began, he stopped and pushed her away, before turning to leave her standing there alone.

…

What the bloody hell had come over him?

He'd seen red when she'd declared so passionately that that damn sex-less pretty boy was more important to her.

Her green eyes had flashed mutinously at him and it was all he could do but not grab her, have his way with her in the dark, not caring who saw them.

He swore; she always had the power to do this. To drive him totally out of him mind, that he didn't think of the consequences of his actions.

Gritting his teeth, he knew it would be best to forget the whole episode. And with that thought in mind, he went off in search of Fiona because once and for all he was going to get Lily Evans out of his mind.

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btw its mostly not proof read so bare with my mistakes


	2. Chapter 2: Basic Impulses

**A/N: **Hee hee right um yes well i would have posted hours ago but my darling proof girl Anna (LAVAMAD) glares went galavanting about so yes I procrastinated till she came home. sigh ah well. Yes i will reply to you review soon, lol i'm always so late in doing so, sry.

I hope you enjoy this chapter but i can honestly say it gave me problems, not goinging how i wanted it and sounding way to stupid and lame. I still dont like it so blame Anna if u dont cause she did and convinced me it was fine.--not really...lol

Luv you all

-Me

Sasha

**Disclaimer**:I dont on the JK stuff

**PS**: suggest anything if u dont like it cause yeah i'm not even sure it makes enough sense.

**I'll update Simply Friends some time in April!**

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**Back in his Bed**

_Chapter 2: Basic Impulses_

James Potter was a man's man. He had been through hell, survived and helped put a lot of sons-of-bitches behind the bars of Azkaban.

So there was no way he was going to let a woman take control of his life by manipulation, now or ever.

…

_Six and a half months ago…_

Being pissed off serves a purpose. And this purpose was surely known to Lily Evans.

Her angry stance in the middle of the pathway between Upper Thames Street and the London Bridge drew looks from pedestrians as they passed her but she did not ease up on her frustration.

A good stress reliever for her had always been shopping but as good as Bond Street sounded it still wouldn't deter her current thoughts of circumcision of the opposite sex.

There had been a grand total of three men in her life and each of them had lasted a mere month so she didn't had much boyfriend experience to compare with but the fact that she never found Mr. Right Now let alone Mr. Right Forever is something short of embarrassing.

What had happened to her life?

It was a question that was hard to answer because where could you begin? Well, putting her steady career in research and development aside, she knew that the only thing in her life that was the pits was the requirement for a partner…for the lack of a better word of course.

The whole Witch's Liberation would hex her if she didn't use that politically correct term. Not that she wanted too, but it would be nice to have someone to be around.

And as she thought that she almost laughed out loud at the idea of how that would have sounded out loud. It was hilarious to think that she was a hot-to-trot Cosmopolitan woman of the London City area who just had a hard time choosing from her many admirers.

_Hah_. So not.

Turning she walked back to Upper Thames and continued walking, ignoring the pavement that was not cleared of the snow. She and along with her mates had a few rules when it came to sex. The relationship had to be more than 10 weeks long and they had to at feel they were in love with them.

And while the rule still stood, Ferreira Bond and Hannah Reno had long ago found the loves of their lives and were contently having sex numerous times daily.

For her though the V-word still stood strong, burning brightly in the night's sky.

Maybe her lack of someone had begun at Hogwarts. If she was honest with herself, she never had more than the odd date there to tell the truth.

Then she grunted; that should have given her an idea as what would become of her life.

Disgusted she stalked past the theatre and a few stores. What was her problem anyway? Didn't she rate at least one good boyfriend? Apparently not it seemed.

It was all Potter's fault.

The thought came so suddenly that she stopped. What the hell? Potter?

Lily laughed out loud.

Err, right. She had to be losing her mind. It's been three years since she'd seen James Potter and almost as long since she had thought about him. Okay so Ferreira might have mentioned him a few times for the past three years since his reputation in the Witch's Weekly Gossip section preceded him. His name usually had shown up every six months or so.

There had been something about calling him the "three-month bachelor" but she hadn't paid any attention to his life really.

So really, her suddenly blaming Potter for her poor excuse for a love life was …well, stupid.

Okay not totally but he was sort of responsible in school. Blokes hardly neared her because they all somehow thought that she and James Potter were "already" going out. Should she say it again?

_Hah_. As if arguing ninety-five percent of the time constituted to dating. _Tuh_.

That sir was not possible.

What if she had gone out with him? Where would she have been doing now?

The questions were so odd that they were unimaginable. _The guy was probably running a joke shop somewhere._ She thought and laughed. But wait what was she doing thinking about Potter anyway?

While she contemplated on why she thought of James Potter so suddenly she didn't look where she was going and slammed onto a finely muscled wall.

"Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry Sir." She gasped out as she reached to steady herself. "I'm afraid I wasn't looking where I was going." Hands were placed on her shoulder.

"That's alright," he said steadying her before turning to leave. It was then on his side profile did she get a good look at him.

The face seemed familiar but he looked completely different from anyone she'd ever seen. He wore casual trousers with a soft polo jersey long with a leather jacket and as he turned, his back and shoulders were outlined showing great width and strength.

His arm and thighs were clearly defined as was his butt. Yikes. His hair seemed familiar as well.

It was a few seconds further before she realized who he was.

"James Potter?" she said his name passed through her lips but she hadn't meant to say it out loud. _Well speak of the devil himself_. Suddenly she found herself wishing she had paid more attention to the gossip columns, or at least the pictures because maybe then, she wouldn't feel so suddenly attracted to the man she thought she knew.

…

If he had been run over suddenly by a racing broom James would not have been more surprised to see who called his name.

Holy Merlin.

Not only had he bumped into her but he hadn't recognized her. Tuh, so much for him being able to see things that others didn't see.

Lily Evans.

It was years since he had thought about her. His obsession with her had no longer seemed important to him. There were other things his time had been more valuably spent on.

As they say things happen and people change.

And he was one of those people.

He knew he looked different and from the wide eyed look she was giving him he could tell she more than saw it. She on the other hand looked, well, amazing. He could say she hadn't changed but she had. Not drastically but there were differences about her that were easy to place.

Her dark red hair had gotten lighter and longer. She looked a little leaner, more slender than before. The way she smiled however remained the same and he wondered again how she could make her eyes light up like that when she smiled.

Shaking away these odd thoughts he aimed a smile at her. "Evans, long time no see."

…

Lily laughed at that. "That's true Potter, it has been awhile." and as she studied him she couldn't help feel that the air about him had changed.

What had happened to him?

Smiling, she couldn't help but feel like finding out.

…

It was odd that, seeing Lily Evans and James Potter together. Their Hogwarts mates marvelled at the abnormality of the situation. For one thing it had been a shock to even see them talking to each other without blood being shed.

They laughed at the way life works. It was so cliché they could have written a book about it. Ferreira Bond, Hannah Reno, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin had witnessed on more than one occasion where the sparks flew between their friends and as the Heads in their 7th year Lily and James had blasted each and every one of them, as well as each other in the midst of battle.

But that, was years ago. A lot happened in that time.

Remus Lupin however, although happy when two of his good friends started dating, found himself wallowing in a sense of foreboding. He didn't want Lily to get hurt and if James' current state continued that was exactly what would happen.

Lily was the only in the female gender besides his mother who accepted him as he was, werewolf and all. The sister he never had and all through Hogwarts she was the one who encouraged him to ask out the girls he liked. He wasn't about to sit by and do nothing.

"Sirius?"

"Hmmm?" His friend replied taking a sandwich in each hand before staring intensely at each.

"Do you think it will last?"

"What will?"

"Lily and James," Remus answered. He wanted another opinion because he could be wrong. James had had the biggest ever fascination with Lily Evans. It wouldn't just go away and he wouldn't treat her like he did the others right?

"It's hard to say Moony," Sirius said as he replaced the left sandwich and paid for the right. Afterwards, they left the stand and Sirius had already attacked his Italian meatball sandwich with gusto. "I want it to work out. It's been a month already and he hasn't started backing away."

"But that means nothing Sirius." Remus argued.

"I know." And he did know. All James's relationships had ended around the third month. He never tried with any of them because no matter who he dated his eyes had always glazed over from boredom. Sirius couldn't really blame him really since; in his opinion James needed a little stimulation in the brain as well as _other_ places.

That however, wasn't his only reason from staying with a woman.

Thing was, this "courtship" James started with Lily _might_ be cause for concern but Sirius wasn't going to dwell on it too much, not yet because Lily might be just what he needs to come to his senses.

"You and I both know what's been happening with James since we graduated. The girls haven't seen or heard about us in years so they won't think we've changed that much from school. Do you think he'll tell her about it?"

"He hasn't told anyone Sirius, you know that. We only knew because we were there." Remus said tiredly and stopped. "The gaps before the scene we saw, James had filled in, somewhat though in a mumbled trance I doubt we got the complete version. I still can't get over it in my head. All that blood was too horrific."

"Yeah, and that puts us in a place where even if we tried, we can't reach him since he was the one who witnessed it." Sirius said staring at the wound up wrapper in his had before dropping it in the bin.

…

_It was three years ago, a month after their graduation, James's dad had gone on a trip and his mother followed a week after so he moved in temporarily with his uncle. James' Uncle Wesley had been kidnapped right outside the Ministry of Magic where he worked and was brought back to his own house._

_The black-cloaked strangers either hadn't known James was there or knew that him being there would be used as leverage against Wesley and without much effort had him subdued and captured._

_James had known if he had tried he could have escaped but knowing his uncle's life was in jeopardy he couldn't bring himself to leave behind his last remaining relative. _

_And he had never regretted his decision, even when Kelsey Oakley had breezed into the room, all smiles, taking in the positions of everyone in the room. His uncle's eyes had widened at the sight of her then laughed out loud._

"_Kelsey my dear, I should have known it was you."_

"_Yes well Wes, you were always too trusting. That annoyed me about you."_

"_Good thing I didn't tell you where to find the thing then."_

"_There are ways to get it out," she said taking out her wand. "You may be able to hold your own mind Wesley so I know you won't tell us." She glanced at James. "Him on the other hand, well _we_ know he'll tell us where it is."_

"_The boy doesn't know about the weapon, Kelsey."_

"_Right Wes," she replied laughing. "There is nothing a nephew wouldn't do for his favourite Uncle."_

_His uncle had been tortured right before his eyes, the Cruciatus Curse had been a favourite of theirs. He had been too far gone to save when the aurors and the marauders arrived._

_They had found James leaning over Wesley and the only thing the man had said was, "Don't worry Jamie everything will work out in the end."_

…

Only nothing had. He had died as the last word passed his lips, and ever since then, James Potter had never been the same.

To this day James didn't know exactly what those death eaters were searching for, his uncle had been right about that; however he swore to make them pay for murdering his uncle. That mindset helped him become one of the most ruthless up and coming law-wizards in the London area. He had only been instated a year ago but he was surging ahead to take the world by storm.

Sirius had been more than concerned to say the least; _he_ was still in auror training and still had a half a year to go.

He didn't really hang out with them anymore. Oh sure his body had been there but his mind had always been focused on the task ahead. It was only lately, a month or so before he'd actually met Lily did he started to relax a little.

Kelsey Oakley had been caught a month after that, put to trial and ended up in Azkaban for murder and treason.

That though hadn't made any difference to James' frame of mind.

…

_Two weeks ago…_

Did she dare do it? Lily Evans wondered dispiritedly as she paced the confines of the corridor that led to her intended destination.

Her cousin Alana said she should but right at this moment did Lily really trust her to follow the said advice? Well...maybe.

Who knew really; Alana was young, in love and married to a gorgeous man. Would it mean that her view on how to handle an impossible and commitment shy man is distorted?

Yes, the idiot probably thought that everyone should confess their feelings for the person they love and that way they'll live happily ever after. Sighing sadly, Lily knew her cousin only lived in a fairytale world these days. Not that it was a bad thing but with both Ferreira and Hannah abroad she needed some reality in her situation. Was the six months with James enough for him to be open and truthful with her?

She wasn't even sure she could answer her own question. After all things were different now and if nothing further was going to happen between them then she needed to get her life in order and make plans for the future.

Lily loved James but she doubted he even knew that she did. In Hogwarts he had seemed like such a different person and to admit that maybe she had had feelings for him even then was hard.

There was so much regret in her, maybe if she had gone out with him, maybe if she dealt with whatever feelings she had had for him then, things would have been different, but as it stands now, she wasn't sure if he had it in him to leg go of what ever happened in the past.

It had only taken a few weeks of them being together for her to realise that his innocent loving expression from back then was replaced by something else; something untouchable and unreachable. She had heard bits and pieces over the past six months since she had been seeing him; some from his mother, other things from Remus and Sirius.

But at that time, the time of her realization, she had hoped that maybe she could be the woman, the person he needed to bring him back.

No one clarified really clarified it. All she knew was that James had suffered a terrible betrayal, one, apparently, from which he hasn't yet recovered.

Lily had known then he wouldn't confide in her, he hadn't in any of the women before her but incomprehensibly, it _had_ hurt.

Her mind turned to being logical; so what he's not confiding in you. _Do you think you're so special that he'd just love you because you think you could make his bad memories go away?_

She'd almost cried, her insides growing cold because more than anything she had wanted to be that—that safe place for him to be and let go in—and knowing that she couldn't be that person for him tore a piece of her heart away.

When their relationship had passed the "three month" mark and continued on appearances changed, the relationship was seen as something totally different. No longer was she expected to be dropped but now people wondered if they would marry.

If James knew about the rumours, he was remarkably ignorant about it. He didn't seem to care what others thought of him but as Lily had already fallen in love with him by then she felt more than stupid by feeling a sense of relief.

And since not only Sirius and Remus but James' mother seemed relieved that their separation didn't happen as well, Lily allowed herself to fall into a sense of security. Because, although at that time—so early in the relationship—her feelings were more intense that she'd planned it to be, she somehow thought that maybe she could let herself hope for a more permanent relationship.

That was then; now…her hand lowered to her stomach…she was pregnant. The Healer told her she was a month along so her baby will be due in early Ma. She rather liked the thought of a Spring time baby.

Sighing, she knew that pretending she wasn't _in_ love with James Potter for five months was energy draining because for one thing, it hurt every time he treated her as though she was part of the furniture. For another, she didn't want to keep lying to herself. Being strong was one thing and being true to herself was important to her.

So now was as good a time as any and she had to take a stand.

She was not going to allow anything to hurt her baby.

…

"I need to know James, I need to know where is this relationship taking us." she said steadily but her demand was met with silence. "Answer me."

"I told you in the beginning not to expect too much." He said quietly—deadly.

"And I didn't but things changed for me. I didn't expect them too but they did." She said and this time her voice rose with each word. Taking a breath she tried to force herself to calm down. The action didn't work. "I've spent six months of my life with you, I broke my principles and gave you my virginity in a freaking month.I tried really hard to be supportive as much as possible. But,I guessthose things didn't mean much to you did it?"

Silence.

And taking that as a sign she went on, "James are you ever going to marry me?"

His gaze was hard as he stared at her.

"Answer the question James or I'll walk out of here. You'll never see me again."

"Threatening me isn't going to win you any points Evans." He said coldly not answering her question. But his stance alone gave it away. He had no intention of ever marrying anyone, she knew that, he didn't have to say anything, the silence was answer enough.

"You think I care about that? I've spent these past six months hoping that maybe things could be different," Lily said then laughed ruefully. "You Potter, will end up old and alone with no friends in the world and then you'll see. You'll regret driving away the people who care about you.

"As for me, I'm not going to let you destroy my life and anything connected to it do you understand because hear me James Potter, _it_ is mine." And then swinging around she turned towards the door and opened it.

"Lily," he said her name but she didn't turn around. She didn't even wonder if it was a reconsideration. She knew it wasn't.

"Yes?"

"Don't _ever_ try to manipulate me in any way. Do you hear me?"

"Loud and Clear Potter but only you would think a declaration of love would be manipulative." She said and with that walked out of his flat.

He probably didn't even know what she meant by that and Merlin help her if she ever saw him again.

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If you're confused please leave a msg for me to clear things up. I'll try to fix it int he morning but I need you to tell me what wrong with it! I got one already, so come on ppl let me know what u think 

LOL Anna dear sry for blaming you but yeah...take it as an april fools thing..lol :D

PLease R&R ppl


	3. Chapter 3: Self Secrets

**A/N**: WOW, been a while huh? Yes. I know i've apoligised before but yes, i will be spending mroe tiem on this As soon as _Simply Friends_ is finsihed. And with that said i only have 1 more chapter for it! So it will be soon. In the meantime, i hope you enjoy this chapter. There are a quite a few things i had hoped would come out the same writing as it was in my head. some did adn some didn't but i hope u like it anyway!

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing! There see.

Anyways hope you R&R,

Love Ya

Sash.

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**Back in His Bed**

_Chapter 3: Self Secrets_

Lily pushed her way out of the doors of the Healers office and stepped into the humid English heat. Slipping her shades on the bridge of her nose she turned left and began to walk down the street that would lead her to a little Greek restaurant, where she would meet Ferreira.

Of course, her friend had no idea what Lily had wanted to talk to her about and since Hannah was still out of the country, an ideal announcement wasn't in the cards. On the other hand what was upper most in her mind, other than telling her best friends that she was expecting was the fact that sooner or later James would know she was pregnant as well.

After the anniversary party two nights ago Lily was having a hard time and with Rourke on her case as well, she wasn't sure what to do. Her mind was spilt into two sides and her heart was in turmoil.

She was pregnant and as Rourke had pointed when she told him of her dilemma, it takes two to tango and whether or not she wanted to, she had the responsibility to let the father know he was going to become a father.

Hell she _knew_ all that.

But with everything that went wrong, that fear of her baby getting hurt emotionally wasn't as easy to go away as that.

Her heart to heart with Rourke—her only male friend who wasn't connected to James Potter—had given her a number of confusing thoughts, more so than if she had tried to work things out on her own.

After that emotionally draining kiss on the moonlit patio, her entire being had felt raw and bruised. But by the time she and Rourke had left, she had been calm enough to ask Rourke about what she was doing.

Knowing her actions were wrong was one thing, hearing it from a man's point of view was quite another.

"_Lily, all I can tell you is, I would want to know. I mean heck, I've seen this bloke's attitude but if he really is mean and condescending then he wouldn't want anything to do with you or the baby. However, from what you've told me about him before all this, I think he would want to know as well. _

_You loving him, may colour your opinions where he is concerned since he hurt you, but would he really hurt a person who was part of him?"_

No, he wouldn't, Lily knew and although she hadn't told her cousin's husband, he knew by her expression alone what her words couldn't say.

God, now everything was confused. Her will not to tell James she was pregnant was being eaten alive by her wanting to do the right thing. Rourke had reminded Lily of that. Her inner demons were hers alone and her baby needed its father. She'd stifled a sob, but there was nothing else she could say.

The outside dining courtyard was almost full when Lily walked in. Her grin was not forced as she soon saw Ferreira Bond, who was already seated when she was shown to the table. It was so good to finally see her friend after such a long time. The relief she felt was great too; her shoulders were carrying such a heavy burden just seeing her dark haired friend gave her some of the support she needed.

"I missed you, never ever go away again." Lily said laughing and embraced her. They both knew she was joking. Her work depended on her traveling to various places.

"Sure darling, whatever you say." She said after they sat down. Ferreira tilted her head and studied Lily. "Your letters hinted that something was the matter and seeing you now I know something is wrong. What is it?

Suddenly nervous, Lily tried to stall. "Shouldn't we wait until after we eat?" and at her words a waiter showed up giving her some reprieve.

After they ordered however her friend was not to be deterred. "Lily out with it, you're worrying me. Hannah said she didn't know either but she wanted me to get it out of you before she returned from Rome."

"It's not that easy to talk about."

"I gathered that Li, we're here for you, no matter what." She stated fiercely then sobered. "Is it about James?"

Knowing she couldn't keep it from Ferreira's prying eyes anymore, Lily nodded. The other girl sighed. She should have known it would be too good to last. She like everyone else thought the relationship would survive since it was more than three months long.

"I broke up with him a while ago."

"A while ago?" Ferreira echoed but couldn't keep the surprise out of her voice. She had expected it to be the other way around. Lily broke up with James. Something had to have caused it.

"Two weeks and three days ago, to be more precise." Lily specified. Then waited silently until Ferreira digested that. Two minutes later the entire story poured out. The baby, the hope and then the ultimatum.

"Do you think I was wrong?" Lily asked.

Ferreira didn't answer. She couldn't. Swallowing all this was really difficult. For one thing her sweet Lily was pregnant. Oh my god how crazy was that. Pregnant, her best friend was having a baby.

But as soon as the amazement faded concern filled its place. What advice could she give? Her biggest crisis had been reorganizing a near bankrupt organization, which to her didn't really compare to this.

She completely agreed with Lily on getting out of the relationship. Staying would have just killed her personality; the fire in her soul. Telling him about the baby…

"I don't know Li," She said before pausing, "James may stick at relationships but a baby would be different with him, I think."

"So you think I should tell him right?" Lily asked even despite the fact that she wasn't now realizing that even though everything was wrong between the two of them, her relationship with James will never come between their child's needs.

It seemed stupid to continue thinking that there was a possibility of not telling him. She was purposely deluding herself that way.

Her heart probably knew from the beginning, despite her doubts to the contrary. Telling Ferreira had only been the first step, since her friend's support would give her the courage she needed to just tell James the truth.

"Yeah, I do." She said as the waiter showed up with their food.

When he left, Lily gave her friend a rueful smile. "I know I've been fighting the inevitable and I suppose that part of me wishes that he would accept me as well as he would accept the baby. The two are different things and whether or not I want too, the baby's welfare is more important."

"You're thinking for another person's life now, doing what's best for them is always the right thing." Ferreira said but the awe still hadn't abated. "Oh my God," she said with increasing volume, "you're going to have a baby." She squealed at that.

Lily laughed. After Rourke and her cousin Alana being the only people who knew, it came as a relief to have one of her very best friends with her all the way. She couldn't ask for anything more, however, wanting and needed were two completely different things.

"I know. It is pretty unbelievable." She said smiling as she rubbed her free hand over her still flat stomach.

"How far along are you?" the question came halfway through their meal.

"Six weeks, give or take a couple days." Lily said and then paused with food halfway to her mouth. "Uh, don't tell Hannah yet okay? She'll be back soon and I want to tell her myself, face to face."

Ferreira pursed her lips. "It's not as if I'd willingly tell her if you want it to be a secret but Honey, you know she'll demand answers."

"Yes well talk around the topic if you have to." Lily said grinning.

Ferreira laughed at that. There was no way Hannah would be put off for long; they both understood that patience was not a virtue where their friend was concerned. Lily knew she had to tell her, but it would be better for her emotionally if Hannah was here with her when she found out.

She didn't want to be a disappointment to her. Hannah and Ferreira were closer to her than her than her sister and their opinions meant a lot to her. Lily knew that right now Ferreira didn't judge her actions and for that Lily was unbelievably grateful.

When the meal was over her friend took her hand as they walked past the diners and headed for the side exit before the hedged fence that made a tall leafed corridor separating the patrons who were exiting and eating.

Outside they faced each other and smiled. "Buck up Lil," Ferreira said. "You're pregnant; you shouldn't allow yourself the added stress. I want that little bloke in there come out kicking and screaming."

Lily rolled her eyes, "You just want me to name you godmother."

"Of course." Ferreira said before they both laughed out loud. She could always count on her friends to make her feel better.

…

The man, under the shade of the huge Oak tree, who had just been about to sit down and have lunch, remained frozen as the women's conversation floated towards him. His gut tightened with building tension and he straightened.

Now his appetite was shot to pieces and James wasn't even sure he heard right. But somehow, he got the feeling that his ears were not deceiving him. Lily Evans was pregnant? Still shocked, he moved away from his table in the corner of the restaurant and by passed the other diners to the tall hedge near the exit—closer to where the two of them stood.

"Bye Li, call me out after okay?" Ferreira said laughing. "We'll go on an ice cream raid."

"I wouldn't have much of a choice Fer," said the voice that was all the too familiar to him. Acting on pure instinct James opened the gate and heard, "Good luck Lil. I get the feeling that you'll need it."

He stood there behind the hedge where Lily stood as Ferreira walked away, and then looked on as Lily stared straight ahead for a few minutes, before he stepped out onto the pavement.

"Okay," she said out loud and spun around suddenly and walked straight into him her hands bracing against his chest.

James did not appreciate the irony of her bumping into him. The rage inside him was mounting irrationally. Grabbing hold of her wrist as she leaned away from him, James noted inanely how delicate she felt.

"Oh gosh, I'm sorry. It's a stupid habit of mine, bumping into people." She said before looking up at him. He would say the shocked expression on her face when she saw him was priceless but he had a feeling it was no less the level of shock he felt to find out she was carrying a baby.

Another man's baby.

"You're pregnant," he said baldly, not letting go of her wrist. She trembled slightly before a look of defiance came upon her features.

"Let go of me," She said instead trying to tug her wrist away. He firmed his hold, not wanting to give her the chance to get away.

"Are you or are you not pregnant."

"I don't appreciate your highhanded antics. Let go of my hand." Lily demanded tugging her hand back but getting nowhere. To find him there standing before her was more than astonishing. For a moment, panic had settled in her stomach before she realized she couldn't show any kind of weakness.

"No, we're going to talk now." He said his voice raising. It was at that moment they both realized that they were getting curious glances from on lookers. "We're going to settle this now." He said, giving no indication that he expected anything other than compliance to his demand.

This was _so_ _not_ how she wished to tell him the truth. Him overhearing whatever he heard about her pregnancy was more than just her bad luck. He would either be mad to hear it indirectly from a third source or be even more mad that he hadn't been the first to know. Merlin, how was she going to come out of this altercation with her sanity intact?

"Fine," she said but he still hadn't released her hand.

"My flat, in one minute." He said gratingly. "I trust you remember where it is?"

He then dropped her hand and spun away heading for the restaurant's maitre d'. Not bothering to care what he was going to do, Lily rushed from sight. She knew she couldn't hide from him, that running away would make things harder for her. So she wouldn't, she would go tell him, and then let him decide the role he wanted to play. There was nothing else for it.

Darting quickly behind a tree she apparated to the compound that held a huge building that was designed for a number of luxurious apartments. It was, she knew, way above her budget to live in such a fancy place, although, as she made her way to the entrance, she pleased to realise she didn't miss spending time here at all.

What she had really missed had nothing to do with her surroundings and that was the fact that saddened her more.

When she reached the landing the led to his door, she felt a strange sense of déjà vu, much like when she'd bumped into him literally on the pavement. She was once again standing outside his flat preparing to talk to him about something that would change their lives. She was so not cut out for this. The seesaw of emotions that she was feeling made it hard for her to catch her breath.

And then before she even reached the door, it swung open to reveal James. He'd had arrived before her. She almost laughed; she had expected no less after all.

"It took you long enough." He said but she didn't reply. Talking to him like this is was nearly impossible and it only made you feel as though you were talking to an immovable object. It would have been a waste of breath to let him know, no normal person; other than him of course; could reach an intended destination in one minute.

She stood outside waiting, not giving any sort of indication of what she wanted him to do.

He swore under his breath. "Come inside." It was an order not a request. Lily would have fought him on it but in her now weary state, she thought it best to just tell him and leave.

She stepped inside but the sight that met her was different than before. It startled her to see that every single part of the flat looked different from when she had been here last.

"Sit," he said pointing to a chair before taking the opposite one, on the other side of the coffee table to face her.

"Now answer me," he said not bothering with pleasantries. Lily would have shuddered at the cold stare that was emanating from his eyes but she knew if she can't accept the hatred now, then how could she stand it for the rest of their lives?

Fate had their lives intertwined even if he didn't want to see her again, which was more than crystal clear. He'd changed his entire apartment in the space of two weeks.

She knew without him telling her that he wanted no reminder of anything that she had had possibly touched while they were together, but the action hurt her terribly. He really did feel nothing for her, not even friendship.

How had things come to this? She sat down before taking breath to calm herself.

"I'm pregnant," she said. "What you overheard was true."

"Isn't it too early to tell something like that?" he asked coldly.

"I don't think six weeks is a long time James." She said tonelessly. Then all at once he jumped up from his seat.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded, stalking closer to loom over her.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked confused, she didn't understand his reaction.

"Don't try to lie to me Evans. You can't possibly be six weeks pregnant because then that would mean that its mine."

"W-what?" a shudder passed over her. He didn't think that the baby she was carrying was his. Her hand went to cover her mouth, hoping it would keep back the bubble of hysteria that was threatening to swamp her.

"Who is the father of the baby? Tell me damn it." He cried, harshly.

Looking into his angry face Lily felt a shiver start inside her. The back of her eyes were burning but she knew she shouldn't cry.

"I'm six weeks pregnant. Who the father is not longer matters, because if you have to ask then ultimately it's none of your business." She said and got up. He could think whatever the hell he wanted. There was no ways she was going to take any kind of abuse from him. "You must really hate me to believe I had not only found a new bed partner after we broke up but I had been sleeping with other blokes as well."

She gave a watery laugh, "I knew all along that it was better not to tell you about the baby. Follow my instincts, ha. See you whenever James." She said brushing past him towards the door.

A hand grabbed her wrist, "wait."

"Get your hand _off_ of me." She demanded. Her emotions were getting too wild to control and she practically screamed it at him.

"No, wait a minute." He said but she could no longer take the torment and grabbed her wand to point it at him.

"Let go of me James,"

"Lily calm down, you're in no condition—" he started, still not letting go of her hand before Lily cut him off.

"Don't you dare tell me what to do." She said. "Ever. Again. You have no rights in this matter anymore."

"Now hold on just a minute Evans. You show up two nights ago, to my _mother's_ house with a pretty boy hanging off your arm and you expect me to believe that there has been no one since me?"

"You're one to talk, sleeping around with every tramp you've seen these past two weeks. I'm not like you and I don't need to explain who my friends are to you _Potter,"_ She said before punching his hand away to leave. "But for your information he's family."

"Lily, okay fine. I believe you." He said and she spun around to face him furiously.

"Oh you _believe_ me, how magnanimous of you James Potter." She said then gave a short laugh. "I forget that your lordship's arrogance is unrivalled, oh silly Me." She said unable to keep the angry tears at bay. "You're a condescending jackass James." She tossed that at him before turning to walk out again.

"Will you wait," James demanded following her to the door. His hands reached and grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. She wrestled in his grasp.

"Unhand me now Potter, or I swear I'll—" but the rest of the words were cut off by his lips and her traitorous body leaned in.


	4. Chapter 4: Tough Decisions

**A/N: **Ah yes, Finally a chapter for over here huh? I fear that some of you would like to throw darts at me so such a LATE update. Well i can safely say that all my attention has been regulated to this ff and the one shot i'm working on. So yes pleased as punch you'll all be...hahaha

I hope you like it. I may have said this a million times but i dont particularly like this chapter...I've straighted out a few things and I am happier with it no than i was before when i was ranting about it on Live Journal.

So um yes please be good to me in your reviews...lol also any constructive criticism is always welcome.

**SO PLEASE READ & REVIEW**

Thank you!

Luv ya, Sash

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

Plus remember is it AU and may not follow all of Cannon

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**Back in His Bed**

_Chapter 4: Tough Decisions_

Lily's lips parted on a gasp, allowing him entrance and his tongue plunged in as a tingle made its way up her body. Her skin burned as his touch ignited fires she apparently had ineffectively put to rest. Anchoring her hips to his, he leaned forward on the closed door, allowing her no escape and her body traitorously pressed against his eagerly seeking connection.

Hands that were flat on her stomach smoothed its way upwards to her breasts, softly cupping them making her go slightly dizzy with pleasure. His leg that had insinuated itself in between hers pressed upwards, causing her to moan with the little jolt of pleasure.

But it was that sound that had her breaking out of that haze filled moment; her mind focusing again as her eyes snapped open.

"James, stop no." Lily said struggling to keep her emotions from getting out of control. The man had that kind of effect on her. She couldn't allow herself to get wrapped up in her senses when she had important decisions to make.

"What? What's the matter?" He said bringing his arms to rest at his sides.

"You shouldn't have done that," she said, her hands shaking as she smoothed them over her clothes.

"Do what Lily? Kiss you? You know damn well you were as involved in that kiss as much as I was."

"That's not the point James and you know it." She said, ducking out from under his to walk back into the living room. Her nerves were in a mess. She never could get a straight thought out like this. He was too _there_ for her to ignore. "You just kissed me to shut me up and keep me from leaving. There is a difference."

"Then what is the point—the difference? Tell me. You want me to say sorry I kissed you, is that it?"

"Stop putting words into my mouth. I don't mean that at all and you know it, besides you'll never admit that you're sorry for anything let alone kissing me. You lost your right to touch me and anything that has to be said will be spoken aloud not," she waved her arms towards the front door to make her point, "like that."

"Don't give me that BS you're pregnant and it was more than touching that made _that_ happen."

"Don't patronize me James. We didn't work out because we didn't want the same things in life. You yourself said permanence wasn't your thing anymore so why do we have to go through this again. All we need to decide is if you want any part in raising this baby and then settle matters as such."

James's face hardened. "Settle matters quickly and cleanly, is that right? You want your baby have two parents who live on opposite sides of the city?"

"What would you have me do then Potter?" Lily said scornfully. "Oh I know, how about I move in here so the baby will have two parents that live under the same roof—isn't that the ideal situation? Then while we play a happy family during the day its father will go gallivanting nightly with his new mistress of the moment."

"Jealous?" he asked and they both knew whom it was that he was referring to; the woman a few nights ago. Lily didn't remember her name or particularly care to know it and even if she did feel sick at the thought why should she? If James went to bed with another woman so quickly after they broke up then there was nothing left to concern herself with because she knew that by his actions he never really loved her in the first place.

Never respected what they had.

Though in reality, no matter how many women there was he'd never get serious with any one of them and that thought, although did little to ease her mind, made her even more sad because she was getting the feeling that intimacy wasn't what really had him cold towards her and the rest of the women for that matter.

It hurt, of course that he'd treat what they had so callously but to let him know he had that much power to hurt her would build his ego. It would make him think there was something he could do to bend her to his will and would try relentlessly to do so. Lily willed herself not to appear panicked. Bravado was good and all but there was only so much a person could project while trying very hard not to cry.

"There is nothing to be jealous about James. We are over, so who you screw in your free time is your business. I don't care to know about that part of your life anymore." Lily said, moving closer towards the door, she needed to leave. Right now though, she was proud of herself because though in her heart she still wanted to know who the man she loves preferred, her voice didn't betray her emotional fragility.

James felt his gut tighten. She looked as though she was serious uttering those words. Her haughty attitude was aggravating him to no end and didn't she care how this news was affecting him? He was going to be a father at twenty-one for crying out loud and important things needed to be decided.

It did not matter what happened that night with Fiona so there was no need to let that influence her actions in the here and now so he told her that. However Lily looked even stiffer as she laughed; the sound bitter as he further tried to scramble for something to keep her here longer.

His brain was still processing the fact that he was about to become a father.

"Don't you see James it does matter and not only to me because I may not care who you sleep with but how do you think that would affect how this baby is brought up?. Who you sleep with may not mean much to you but it will to our unborn child. More to the point, any decision I make towards this baby I will do so to better her life.

You don't trust me; I mean to have you leap to the conclusion that it was someone else's child in the first place is enough to tell me that. The sad thing is you were too wrapped up in yourself to notice what was going on; you didn't even recognise Rourke for crying out loud. I plan to have this baby and I will do everything I can to protect it from hurt."

Lily didn't know what else to say. Suggest shared custody? …Maybe not but she had a good apartment and she didn't have the finance to look for anything closer to his flat. And for him? Well there was little chance he'd give up this amazing place so there in lies the stalemate.

James didn't like how this was going. Lily's stubborn attitude was grating on his nerves. He did not want to become a part time father. Sure before this moment children had been a goal fifteen years in the future but things change and he was becoming a father now. He had responsibilities and whether Lily liked it or not she had them as well.

He had every intention on doing what's right for the baby as well. He had two parents and he had a great childhood. He wanted that for his child the way he was brought up.

"I want you to marry me." The words seemed to echo in the silent room. He hadn't been completely sure that that was going to be his plan and to hear the words pop out of his mouth had been a surprise.

But as he looked at Lily for her reaction, shock was etched on her face. Not that he was surprised, he'd shocked himself too but did she have to look so repulsed to the idea?

"Wh-what?" she said and that tone alone was enough for fury to sweep over him.

"I hadn't realized you were that slow in understanding what a question meant darling," he said baiting her, knowing that he probably shouldn't.

"Get your head out from inside your ass James." She said bravely, though her courage was wanly slightly. He wasn't serious about the proposal …he was baiting her she knew, but even if he was serious, she wouldn't, not if it wasn't about love.

And it wasn't. The mere thought that is was would be laughable. She wasn't delusional. She knew where things stood.

"I heard what you said and if you think that I'm going to marry you, you better think again. There is no way in hell I want to be anywhere near you let alone sharing your name and living under the same roof with you."

Fury pulsed in his through his veins; she was looking down on him and he wanted to lash out, to hurt.

"You wanted that three weeks ago, didn't you Evans," James said disgustedly. "What's the matter—not going to way you want it?"

"What the hell do you mean by that?" hurt shifted through her. She didn't like what he was implying.

"What do you think I meant?" James said in a light tone that got her blood boiling. "You wanted us to get married, isn't that right? Well you got your wish; I'm asking you to marry me."

"Don't give me that bullshit," her voice came out scornfully. "You're trying to imply something and I don't like it."

"Come on Lily, don't pretend be daft, I get why you're doing this." James said realizing more and more that he was right and warmed up to the idea. Pulling something this devious wasn't like her but then again, who was he to question the way a woman mind worked.

Her stone cold expression should have alerted him to how far off the mark he was but in ignorance he ploughed on. "You wanted to marry me so badly you went and got yourself pregnant so you could."

He saw the hurt pour out of her eyes but he still continued. "I bet you realised that you weren't pregnant when you gave me that ultimatum so you had to cut your losses and leave. But then when it turned out you were; you knew this was your chance."

Shock and hurt immobilized Lily.

"You…" she said on a gasp. She was not going to cry in front of him. Her throat closed and she struggled to breathe in properly.

"You're a despicable excuse for a human being…I know something happened in your past but – but that gives you no right to hurl accusations at me. What was I really to you James? Some kind of toy?

You've changed so much since I knew you; you can't see what's in front of you anymore. I'm not going to marry you James, not ever." She said and rushed out of the flat.

Startled, James's stomach tightened. He'd done something horribly bad.

"Lily—Lily wait," he said running, following her.

Catching up to her at the stairs he grabbed her arm.

"Lily please, I'm … sorry. I don't know what happened to me in there. I never should have said those things to you." James said, angry with himself. He was such a fool. What made him say those things, let alone think it? Lily may not be his favourite person at the moment but that didn't mean she'd scheme to marry him. She had more pride than that.

"What you said was unforgivable…I don't know if I can talk to you anymore." She said and the tears that brimmed her eyes had him backing down.

Lily never cried, not in front of him. His hand released her arm. "I'm sorry."

"It doesn't matter James, just let me know what you decide and we'll work things out." She said in a rush before disapparating leaving James standing there with a mix of emotions swirling in his gut.

…

Lily awoke to roses and swollen eyes the next morning. Two huge bouquets of twelve were delivered with only a simple message attached.

_The offer still remains._

Lily swore foully before covering her still flat mid section. "Sorry baby," Even in writing he sounded like an arrogant bastard. She crumpled the card in her hand threw it directly into the rubbish bin.

"The offer still remains," she mocked. The man had a lot of gall. After last night he still expected her to think about caving into his demand? She almost snorted with laughter at the thought of him really expecting flowers to help sway her decision to his way of thinking.

Annoyed didn't even come close to how she was feeling but then again she'd need an entire dictionary of emotions to describe this headlong rush hysteria she was experiencing.

She still felt the hurt from last night and she didn't know if she wanted to get over it. Maybe it would help keep up the barrier between her and James.

She'd cried herself to sleep last night and now she looked all pale and sick because of it.

Since the beautiful, red blossoms came already encased in crystal vases it would be easy to move about but as she stared at them tears began to prick at her eyes.

She'd thought she hadn't had anything left to cry out and as a sob threatened she tried to breathe.

She wasn't going to cry, she wasn't. She needed to get on with her daily routine.

_Keep busy._

She'd given that advice to a lot of people not it was time she took it herself.

First though, she needed to get ready for work.

Surprisingly today though, she didn't experience the usual bout of nausea. She had been taken aback when she'd been able to roll out of bed to answer the door this morning. Apparently crying your heart and soul out did wonders for morning sickness. Relieved that at least one thing was going well for her today she stepped into her shower.

Fifteen minutes later she was all done and ready to leave. She had a few stops to make so she quickly grabbed her purse and tired to balance the two vases out the door. She stopped at the flat next to hers and knocked on the door with her foot.

Her neighbour was a kindly old woman who'd retired last year. After handing her one of the vases she moved on to the manager's office that was located near the exit. After the young woman thanked her for them Lily walked off feeling pleased.

She wasn't about to keep them in her home, her sanctuary. She went home every evening to relax, to try and get away from her demons not have them bore holes in her every single time she looked at a rose. Sighing she trotted to the nearby coffee pub where she purchased a plain muffin and milk in a takeaway cup hurriedly. The sweet smells permeating the room, made her feel like vomiting.

Hopefully she'll be able to keep busy at work and maybe she'd have another talk with Rourke about adding on more assignments to her workload, she needed support anyway she could get it.

…

But at work, peace was not to be found. She wanted to laugh and cry at the same time but there, staring her in the face, on her desk, was another vase and this time it was filled with baby's breath.

The irony wasn't lost on Lily but there was no way she'd be able to do any coherent work with that in her line of vision.

Did he think by attacking her with her everyone of her favourite flowers that she'd somehow find the _will_ to want to say yes? She was not deluding herself into thinking that he cared about her. He clearly did not, last night more than proved that so he wasn't trying to attempt to win any form of affection from her.

_Or was he publicly trying to force her to say yes?_

Good grief this was all so confusing.

"Nice flowers," the familiar male voice said from behind her. "Who is the admirer?"

Lily turned to scowl at the man, "Leave it Rourke." Then, "On the other hand why don't you take it and give it to Alana." She said smiling.

Rourke looked at the flowers sceptically then back at Lily's face. "Um, I don't think so." He said carefully. "They're for you aren't they?"

"They're from James," she said scowling.

"Ah," he said and then nodded.

"What is 'ah' supposed to mean?" Lily asked suspiciously. She didn't like that tone at all.

"It's just that it's about time he try to win you back," he said defensively.

"No this is not an attempt to win me back Rourke. This is a form of war. He is letting me know he is going to keep trying to get me to agree to marry him."

_He may be trying to apologise for what he said to you._

A voice echoed in her mind but she stomped it down. He couldn't be doing that. If he were that would mean he cared, which he did not.

"He proposed? Uh did he find out about the baby or something?"

"He did not propose, he demanded and yes" she said then grated out, "he knows about the baby. I told him yesterday."

"Well it seems like he is making amends." The idiot said positively before he smiled.

"Aren't you a man? Don't you know that this is a blatant challenge? He knows by constantly shoving something at my face he would get me to say yes—tuh—and strategically placed things too."

"All that aside Lily, I know that although the two of you are at each other's throats most of the time, both of you want what is right for the baby. So I suggest that what motivated you to let him know about the baby also motivate you to seriously think about that _proposal_." He said and then gave her a brief hug and a smile. "Think about it and get back to work."

Lily had to return his smile. "Yes boss,"

"Oh and its okay if you take the afternoon of, just get your report to Anna before you leave."

"W-wait Rourke I wanted more assignments. That's what I need. I need to keep busy. I don't want the afternoon off."

"You're getting it off and I'm not giving you more than your share of work. Think of the baby, don't overstress and its Alana's week off. Go talk to her; bounce off your anger and stuff, she wouldn't mind."

Lily laughed.

"Thanks Rourke," she said smiling. "I may do that."

"No problem just make sure I'm not accused of Nepotism all right?"

After he left, Lily sat down with a whoosh. Her energy was already sapped. After not getting enough sleep last night and then trying not to let James's flower shower affect her she was not in the mood the finish that stupid report for Rourke but she had to.

Thinking about her free afternoon ahead though, did little to ease her agitation.

She'd wanted something to occupy her thoughts, now thanks to the fact that her cousin-in-law was also her boss she had the bloody time to think about James all day long.

Still, she didn't plan on talking to anyone about it.

Whether or not she decided to marry James was her decision—_wait no_, she thought rising up from her chair, she wasn't going to marry James. Hadn't she already decided _that_?

Oh dear lord.

Her life was such a dreadful mess.

Could she live with James under such pretence? Like any other girl she'd had hopes of marrying love and while may still love James Potter she was sure the feeling wasn't mutual.

* * *

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	5. Chapter 5: Closed Heart

**A/N**: Woo, so here i am with a chapter for Back in his Bed. YAY. I'm finally done. I intend to start on Chapter 6 tomorrow tho since skl is a week away. _sigh_ How sad is that? Bah w.e I hope you enjoy the chapter tho. I feel as tho a couple things are missing but I'll fix it later.

Thank you to all who reviewed.

I didn't ake as long as last time :D

Thank you to Anna who proofed the first half of this chapter for you!

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**Disclaimer: **I own nothing...JK does so **HA!**

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**Please Read and Review!**

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**Back in His Bed**

_Chapter 5: Closed Heart_

When Lily got home later that day she half expected to find more flowers but it wasn't anything from James that was waiting for her, no indeed it looked as though his efforts had cooled down for the time being.

On the other hand, the note that was waiting for her had come from a far worse source.

His mother.

_Dear Lily,_

_Oh my dear, how are you? I wish you had been able to come to me with this. I have no idea how this must be for you but if you need anything at all you come and see me. The boy didn't tell me anything about how he handled the situation with you only that he was handling it. Merlin, does he think I don't know he messed up with you? He loves you, and although I know you don't think he does and I cannot help but wish …_

_I had hoped that one day he could have confided in you and I still hope he does. I know you don't want to accept James's proposal, not in this way and I am not going to pressure you to make a decision. I love you, you're like a daughter to me and don't want to see you hurt especially by my own son._

_Stay strong and follow your instincts. Richard doesn't want me to meddle and I'm not. _

_Don't hesitate to come to me whenever you need us. We may be James's parents but we care about you too._

_Call on us soon,_

_Angela._

By the end of the letter Lily was crying. She never really considered how much Angela cared for her or how much this baby would need her in her life. Since her own parents were gone and Petunia not really caring what happened to her, she only had Alana as family.

Oh lord, what was she supposed to do now?

Not that marrying James would solve a lot of problems; in fact it might cause a good few as well.

_Should I or shouldn't I?_

…

It seemed almost impossible to tell only parts to a story but Lily had gotten through it with her friends and Rourke. She hadn't lied but she hadn't told the entire truth either. Alana was another matter.

She'd known the other girl all of her life, she had been the big sister Petunia never was and she knew Lily well enough to know when she was hiding something. It had been one of the reasons why she hadn't gone to see Alana before this. She might just start to cry and never stop.

She told of the anniversary party of Richard and Angela including the mind numbing kiss James had given her and the fact that there was another woman in his life. She then followed up with him finding out and his mother writing to her.

Alana stared at her now and while Lily may not want anyone's opinion on what she should do regarding James she would at least like some support in whatever her decision may be.

"I see," she said hesitantly.

_Well now, that was a vague answer_ Lily thought but understood. It _was_ a lot to take in. Except for Alana, who had married for love and was extremely happy with her life she knew it would be difficult to understand the difficulty of what she was going through.

"How do you feel the fact that he's already moved on to somebody else?" She asked delicately.

Lily gave her a feeble smile. "A little Angry, a good bit jealous but most of all heartbroken." Came the truthful answer.

"Do you know for sure he's sleeping with her though?"

"Well no, but he practically hinted as much. I saw the woman as well and her very confidence in her appearance meant that she knew she could attract any guy she wanted. She was sex candy. Her very essence seemed to scream, "I am made for sex come and shag me."

Alana spurted out laughter. "Come on, surely not?"

Lily sighed, "Okay maybe not." She said but cut in quickly to disabuse Alana of the idea that the woman couldn't have been that bad. "She was skinny with big boobs and a tight bum so she was more like sex on a stick."

"Oh honey," Al said hugging her close for a few minutes. That was her cousin for you. She always knew when Lily needed a hug most.

"I know you don't want me to say what I think you should do so I won't. All I'm going to say is that we're here for anything if you need us." She said; her hand coming to rest on Lily's comfortingly.

"Thank you Al." Lily said gratefully.

"What are family for if not for support?" she asked haughtily then smiled. "You're lucky to have James' parents support though."

Lily smiled weakly. She knew that. God, she was so emotionally wrecked. If everything would have just been a little simpler.

Alana looked thoughtful for a moment before saying. "In the six months since you've gone out with James how many times has it been since we met him?"

"Well you've met him at least four times and he's never met Rourke." She said the continued dryly. "Though he could off at least remembered the _name_ of my boss _and_ your husband don't you think?"

"I suspect that when he saw you with another man all rational thoughts left him completely." Alana replied, the both of them going back to that night four days ago.

_Had it only been that short a time since that night?_

"I doubt it." Lily said understanding where Alana was going but not agreeing. "His reaction was out of pure possessiveness than any sort of jealously. He would have had to care if he had been jealous."

Alana looked doubtful. Surely it couldn't be just that could it? James may have changed now but from the stories of his earlier teenage exploits to gain Lily's attention he had to care at least a little for her. She didn't think he would have been with her this long if all he cared about was the sex.

"And he doesn't?" _Maybe he was afraid of real intimacy?_

"No. Something … changed him though; he's different from when I knew him at school. Even Sirius, Remus and his mother admitted that something happened to him." Lily said before continuing sadly. "I used to hope one day that he would tell me about it. You know? But as I said before, he didn't love or trust me so he hadn't."

Alana looked at her cousin. So many things didn't make sense to her. She wanted to help them but she knew Lily has closed her heart off from further hurt and she personally didn't know James Potter well enough to determine what could be driving him.

"If I ignore him long enough maybe he'll go away." Lily mused and Alana rolled her eyes and seeing that Lily sighed. "Well it was a thought."

"Not a very good one." She said smiling before looking at Lily seriously. "I think you should seriously decide what you want to do. Putting it off wouldn't help you find the answer. It's good that you don't want anyone else to cloud your judgement but I think your judgement where James is concerned is already shrouded in a thick fog."

"You don't understand him like I do. He doesn't—"

"Would he love this baby?"

"Yes." Lily didn't have to think about the answer.

"Would he try his best to give it the most normal life possible?"

"He would."

"Would it be one of the most important things in his life?"

Lily nodded.

"Then I say go home and think about the reasons why it would be a good idea to marry him and then compare them with all the reasons why you don't want to. You're a list girl, use what you know and see then where your decision lies."

It sounded simple, Lily knew but somehow she didn't want to do anything that reminded her of the James she knew.

Five years ago this was not where she saw her life but would she change anything if she could?

She doubted it.

…

Lily went to bed early. She saw no use in staying up to ponder the list that she did eventually write when she'd gotten home. She had already spent the past couple of hours thinking about and coming to terms to what she should do. Reaching to the decision she had made had been hard to do, especially because she still loved him in spite of everything.

Sacrifices had to be made because she had to made her decision based on what was best for the baby.

So now curling up in the comfort of her bed seemed like the right thing to do, however, when she slid into bed sleep was far in coming.

Indeed, although eight in the evening, hardly wasn't her usual time to sleep; she was worn out emotionally and mentally. Contemplating a million different things at once would do that to a person but still her eyes couldn't seem to stay closed.

She tossed and twisted a few times but no matter how she turned to become comfortable it just wasn't working and when the knock at her door sounded five minutes later she was still nowhere near relaxation.

_Was the world against her?_ She thought as she rolled off the bed and sat up. Couldn't she go to sleep and ignore all her worries until tomorrow or maybe the next ten years? She straightened her cotton shirt and slipped on her dressing gown over it.

The knock came again and she hurried to the door. Glancing through the peephole gave her a startling indication of who the person was.

"James," she said pulling the door open and staring in surprise.

Merlin, he would show up when she looked her worst wouldn't he? She knew she looked like a wild woman with her hair out of its normal neat style springing out of her head naturally.

Her hand itched upward to try and pat it down but she strained not to. Just standing a mere two feet from him had the power to make her intensely aware of how she looked.

She was not a vain person but around him _any_ woman would always kept wondering if her hair was neat, if lipstick was on, whether she looked good in that particular skirt or not.

Merlin that annoyed her about him.

…

James stared at the vision standing in the doorway. Merlin she took his breath away standing there like that.

The memory of when he first sank his hands into that mass of springing curls sprang to mind and they itched to do it once more.

Pulling himself out of his reverie he cursed. Damn him and his weakness for her. What was it about her that made him constantly long to hold her, touch her, be around her? Merlin she annoyed him.

"Good evening," he said, though a little more briskly than he intended and he noted the upswing of an eyebrow. "Don't you know it's unsafe to just pull open the door without knowing who is on the other side?"

"I think I'm fairly good at determining what is safe and what is not." She said shortly then muttered. "I saw you through the peephole."

James nodded but said nothing as he glanced around. He noted that none of the flowers he had sent where anywhere around her flat.

He'd hazard a guess that maybe she'd taken all of them to her bedroom but somehow he didn't think that she did, not with that annoyed emotion radiating off of her.

He highly doubted that's he threw them away because that was not her style. So what happened to the flowers he had personally picked out? He probably wouldn't know until her asked her, which he wouldn't.

Damn it, if she wasn't the most contrary female he had ever know in his life. Other women would have accepted the flowers graciously and would have been moved enough to talk to him again.

Not that he'd ever had the inkling to talk to anyone of them again much less see them on a personal level but he usually ended his relationships on a good note.

Except of course Lily's…and Fiona's though that particular association was hardly anything to cause him any concern much less call it a relationship. The woman had irritated his soul. Though what confused him was that she had appeared to be his type. He hadn't slept with her, no matter what he had implied to Lily.

The woman left him cold and he'd had no urge to try anything with her. She'd pouted prettily and promised him various pleasures but he hated a woman so sure of her sexual prowess and his thoughts had kept drifting back to Lily.

Of the soft, untutored way she had come to him on that first night they had made love.

"Have you reached your decision?" he asked and hated how formally he sounded.

"I have," she said mockingly.

"And?" he was growing impatient with the game.

"I have conditions to be met," she said hesitating just a bit, "and if they are then I will marry you."

James narrowed his eyes. _Where was this going?_

"Do you expect to keep a mistress when we're married?"

Did she think that lowly of him? The thought burned, galling him.

"I take my promises seriously and that would include my vows." He said and she nodded—though it annoyed him that she seemed a trifle surprised—before she said something else.

"I have to ask that we not consummate our marriage," she said and stopped at his stunned silence. That condition was not acceptable. She could not possibly be serious.

"If we're intimate, pointless emotions would be involved that I don't want in our marriage." She continued not pausing at his no-response.

"And what pointless emotions would those be?" he asked sarcastically. "Passion, fire, excitement or is it love that you were referring to." He said not thinking for a minute that she was sure about this.

"Yes."

"Yes? …what?"

"Yes, I'm referring to all of that. I don't want to live my life hurting from this loveless marriage." She said quietly. "I'd prefer it if we could be at least friends, that way the baby would not feel the animosity we obviously have between us."

Animosity? Him?

"I think not," James said insulted. He held no real animosity for her. Not really. She just expects too much from him. She has no right to demand anything from him. No one does.

"You don't like me or trust me so I hardly think it would be such a feat to not sleep with me." Lily said.

"Bloody hell woman," he exploded. "And you expect this to last all through out our marriage?"

"Yes I do. We wont be married forever James as I am sure you cannot wait to be rid of me again but until we provide a stable home for our baby and he understands well enough that the both of us don't belong together then that is when you can go around being a free man again."

James stared at her coldly, understanding to a point but not being able to accept what she was saying.

"I also think we should elope." Lily said.

"Elope? Have you gone mad? I can't elope, what would my mother think of that." James asked. He may not have wanted a lavish wedding but to run away and get married, it was something star-crossed lovers did.

"Your _mother_," Lily stressed, "would be supportive."

"How would you know?" he asked scornfully.

"How would I — oh I don't know? Maybe because she told me she'll understand whatever I decide?"

"What? What are you on about?"

"You—without me I might add—told your mother that I'm pregnant. What possessed you to do such a thing without me there? Don't you think I respected your mother enough to want to at least be present when she finds out she's going to become a grandmother?"

"I saw no point in you being there," he said.

_Yes,_ Lily thought, _he wouldn't see the point_. Showing again how little he considered her in his life.

She was after all, just the mother of his child right? She felt a sudden chill and tightened the sash of her dressing gown a sense of loneliness creeping over her. That's what her marriage to James was going to be like, she knew, cold and lonely.

"Whatever, your mother believes that I will choose what is right for this baby and this is my decision based on those conditions. You're a believer of rules and agreements James, do you accept this proposal?"

James had no intention of living in a sexless marriage, especially not to a woman who tempted him at every turn. He may not want another woman besides her at the moment but that feeling will pass soon enough. She was still in his blood and he no compulsion of letting the feeling lie.

So although he was going to honour his marriage vows he wasn't about to force himself to leave her alone when she aroused feeling in him.

"I do," he said and he did accept her conditions. He would give her the wedding she wanted but he hadn't promised not to try other means of persuasion.

He wasn't above seduction and she still wanted him, he knew.

Interesting, things may not turn out so bad after all.

"Good." She said then made a movement as it expecting him to leave right away but he stopped that thought process immediately.

"We'll get married tonight," he said halting her movements towards the door.

"What?"

"Tonight," he said triumphantly. "I know a bloke who would draw up a special licence, that way we could bypass waiting the few days for it."

"I—I suppose we could," Lily said vaguely feeling at sea with this sudden change of direction.

Hadn't she been going to sleep a few minutes ago? Now she was getting married?

"Good, I'll go contact him, I suggest a change of clothes." He said briskly giving her a once over and she felt her control of the situation being taken away from her.

"I'll be back in an hour with the licence, be ready. We'll be going to Harrow; there is a small chapel that does weddings there. I'm sure it'll be satisfactory. Be ready nine o clock sharp." He said and left.

Her life was going ahead at full speed and when the time comes she wasn't sure if she was going to be able to stop it.

…

And so they got married with Lily in her best white suit and then in front of strangers they were declared husband and wife.


	6. Chapter 6: New Life

**A/N**: Woo, hey there guys. Chapter 6 is here...AND its fairly longer than usual. I hope thats okay...lol. Anyway I did not want to spilt anything up in it so i kept it in one, and edited a bit here and there. I hope it doesn't seem to choppy and jumbled to you. If it does let me know so I can try to fix it. Anyway I hope you enjoy and thank you to all who read and review...and well I suppose thanks to all who read but didn't review as well...lol.

Luv Ya, **_Sash_**

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**Disclaimer**: I own nothing JK related

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Please **Read **and **Review**!

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**Back in His Bed**

_Chapter 6: New Life_

**_Married_**.

_I'm married._

_I'm a **wife**! _

_Oh Merlin._

Friday morning found Lily sitting on her couch with her head leaned back and her eyes shut. She had gotten married twelve hours ago to the most obstinate man in the known realm and it was too late now to think about whether she had made the right decision in doing so.

She had to believe she did, for the baby's sake.

When James had left her flat yesterday evening to get the special licence she'd hardly been able to sit down without getting back up again to move about her flat, pacing. Panic had begun to set in then, her wild mane of hair dancing all over, when she'd realised she didn't have anything remotely like a wedding dress. The only thing in her closet that had any chance of working was her white trouser set.

Lily sighed now and pressed a hand to her forehead. And that was what she had gotten married in. She'd fixed her hair, taken care of the worried signs that had lined her face, changed into her wedding ensemble and was waiting quietly, if not calmly, when James had returned to her flat with his errand predictably taken off with no problem.

She'd always dreamed that one day she would get married in a garden surrounded by people who meant a great deal to her, while wearing a light, floating white dress. And in recent months that dream had included James as her groom.

Instead she'd gotten a ceremony with a priest and two witnesses of whom she had met five minutes previously.

Her wedding kiss had been another thing that was nothing like she had dreamed about. They'd pecked each other coolly on the lips before pasting on a fake smile to take a photo at the wedding photo booth.

Last night, her wedding day slash night had only included one in five of what she'd wished for. Before now, during the past month she'd often wondered though if she would ever have her dream with him … for she knew now that it had been too much to hope for. A dream is a dream after all. Some achieve theirs and others remain a fantasy.

When the makeshift ceremony was over it had been late and they'd then decided—more like tried to avoid the downpour of rain that had seemed to knowingly mock their sad excuse for a wedding night—to spend the night in Harrow; in separate rooms of course.

She'd found it impossibly hard to fall asleep, knowing that they were now husband and wife; knowing that only a wall separated them and knowing that he might never be able to love her. She had probably only just drifted off when came time for her to awake. They'd had breakfast and he'd seen her home but she had still yet to feel at ease.

Before seeing her off however, James had announced that he would come to see her at her flat this evening to discuss what they'll do now. They had things to decide, preparations to make.

It was then an unnerving thing occurred to her, was she supposed to make him dinner?

Was she supposed to make him dinner when they move in together?

Lily passed her hand through her now-tamed hair in frustration, she was overreacting. There was nothing wrong in cooking a bit extra when she was planning on making herself something.

_I guess that's what we really have to talk about tonight_, Lily thought, _just_ _how we're going to live around each other._

She sighed again her mind going back to when James had left her.

At least after he left to prepare the special license she had had the presence of mind to send an owl to Rourke telling him she needed the day off today. She knew, even then that there was no way she'd be sane enough to go to work today. Merlin, she'd hardly been able to go past her living room this morning upon entering it.

Oh lord, she still had to tell Rourke and Alana what she'd gone and done. And not only them.

_Aw crap!_ She thought her eyes flying open and she sat up.

Rourke and Alana was the least of her worries. What about Ferreira and Hannah? Oh god telling Hannah was going to be the worst.

Maybe she should have allowed Ferreira to tell the other girl about the baby. That way it would have been easier to ease into the fact that she's _already_ married. They'd probably strangle her for not including them in the wedding.

_Oh boy, I'm going to get crucified._ She thought, her head falling into her hands and had the sudden urge to go get plastered.

But, since _obviously_ it is nothing something she could do, chocolate seemed like it was the next best thing or sugar...maybe she should bake a cake.

She blew out a breath; it was going to be a long siege.

"Hey," James said quietly when she opened her door to him that evening.

"Hi," she answered, "come in." she indicated, closing the door and they both headed into the living room. After her chocolate fix she'd gone down to talk to the building manager. There had been a list of things that had needed doing so telling the manager that her flat was going to be vacated soon seemed like the best thing to start with.

They hadn't discussed when she would move in but it occurred to her that logically this weekend seemed like the most opportune time but as she didn't want to seem forward she decided not to say anything but still wanted to pack the items she least needed. That is, those in her bedroom, bathroom and kitchen.

And so by the time he arrived that evening she'd already made lasagne for dinner as having finished the legal aspects to her moving earlier.

While accomplishing what she had intended to do that day a few things occurred to her.

"I take it you didn't take the liberty to tell your friends about our," Lily cleared her throat, "situation?"

"No I haven't yet."

"I see," Lily said though she didn't really. Wouldn't they be the ones he told first? "Well as you know only Ferreira knows that I'm pregnant." She said. Before she had realised that the marauders probably didn't know she was "with child", she had walked around half expecting them to pop up out of nowhere and touch her belly.

"I made dinner, we can talk while we have some," Lily said moving to the kitchen. As they took out their food, Lily got drinks and they settled back comfortably into the living room.

James hadn't eaten dinner when he'd left work. He assumed they would talk and he would go home after. It came as a faint surprise to him that she'd prepared something for them.

Then again, in the six months they had been going out he's never once allowed her to cook for him and vice versa. As he took a bite, he chewed appreciatively.

"This is good," he said and hated how formally it came out.

"Thank you," came her equally stilted reply.

Silence echoed, effectively causing James to reflect on what he wanted from his marriage. They hadn't had the time to form other relationships, though from his mother's soiree it seemed really obvious to him that Lily and Lombard-the-bastard were close.

Wondering how close annoyed him.

Not that he cared who she had feelings for but damn it, it concerned him how those feelings would affect their baby's life.

He remembered clearly, the anger that had nagged at him throughout the entire evening until finally, when he couldn't take it any longer, he took the opportunity that had presented itself and followed her onto the terrace.

That kiss had electrified him, made him swell with emotion and need. His thoughts had filled of wanted her, taking her right then and there but he did not as rationality came back to him.

And then later that night when Fiona had failed to evoke the same passion in him as Lily had, he'd left the room, leaving her half naked and in shock.

He almost made a derisive noise at the memory. It might have come as a blow to her that a man hadn't wanted to sleep with her but for his peace of mind at the time he hadn't desired to, not even with the unwanted image of the man and Lily consorting torridly in his mind.

Damn his imagination anyway.

Common sense made him understand that she couldn't possibly love the man in the mere two weeks they had broken up, nor would she engage in intimacy so fast in a relationship but his unwavering jealousy was so strong he couldn't help but think that maybe she would make an exception this time, after all she was not a virgin any longer.

The thought that she _may_ love another man while she was pregnant with his child made his blood boil. It angered him that for however long their marriage lasts she would be wishing for it to be over.

James knew he accused her of manipulation to get a ring on his finger but damn it what else was he supposed to think at that time. What got to him the most was that rationally he knew that she wouldn't pull something as immoral as that.

There was another thing he knew too. It was something that he should have realised earlier if he had wanted to keep it.

He hadn't wanted to, he hadn't wanted _it, _he still didn't want it but maybe in the back of his mind he always knew the truth, it was just that he had never before accepted it.

A man never notices something before it's gone and looking Lily now, he knew that it was most certain that he no long held her love and he was quite positive that he didn't want it back.

"It'll be good to tell the others after we move you in." he said trying to get back to what he wanted to say.

"I think so too." She said nodding. "Hannah will be back on Saturday, so that's convenient for us to tell them on Sunday."

James nodded and she continued "Our marriage is between us," she started then paused, "I think it would be best if the impression we give is an encouraging one. I don't or won't rather, allow people to think that we're handling this all wrong. What we do is our business and I think if they get the impression that we're working things out then that's better all around."

"I see," James said, he was thinking along those lines as well. "I agree with that."

"Good,"

"I think we should wait until next weekend to go see my parents," James said sounding a bit uneasy. "I plan to owl them soon to tell them we're married but I think its better we wait a few days for them to digest this."

Lily nodded feeling oddly relieved. She knew she shouldn't, after all Angie and Richard were accepting of her and everything else.

"If we start tomorrow, I think we can move your things into my flat by Sunday." He continued trying to sound more positive, not that he felt that way.

Lily nodded. "I have some of them packed already and all my legal stuff has been dealt with."

James felt pleasure and relief at that. Most people didn't bother planning ahead but he knew Lily well enough to know that she's probably made a list to start on as soon as he had left her this morning.

He almost smiled imagining her writing her points down on her little note pad until his thoughts strayed once more. Did she have a list on how to go about loving a man other than her husband?

"Then, if you have them in boxes, I'll carry them over when I leave."

"Okay, yes, that's fine," she said giving a small smile. "They're in the hallway next to the kitchen.

"There is one more thing," he said knowing he shouldn't bring it up yet not being able to get the image of Lombard out of his mind. "I am not going to allow my wife to make a mockery of me; we are keeping up appearances to show the world we are like any normal married couple right? I expect you to hold your own marriage vows sacred."

"What are you talking about?" Asked Lily, confused.

"I'm speaking of Lombard, do you still intend on seeing him through out our marriage?" he asked and she seemed surprised for she was gapping at him.

"Rourke has nothing to do with this." She said disbelief tingeing her voice. "You have nothing to worry about where he is concerned, he doesn't matter."

"Of course he matters Lily, one can hardly go about knowing his wife is having an affair, never mind that they're open to the fact that their is no love in the marriage."

"I am not having an affair!" Lily exclaimed. She was hurt but some how she was unable to voice that Rourke was her cousin's husband "I thought we sorted through this already. Rourke was just there to help me through the evening. He works with me and came as a friend James, nothing more."

"I have to admit I find that hard to believe. How is it that since he is so close a friend to you that I haven't met him before?" He said and Lily couldn't believe his nerve or his brain. Hadn't she already mentioned that Rourke was family?

"You have never showed much interest in meeting my friends or my family," Lily threw at him instead of telling the truth. "And you are not one to speak to me about appearances. For a man who goes from woman to woman because he is bored doesn't tell the world much, other than he's a renowned playboy. That you so quickly turned to another woman after we finished—" She said then stopped and breathed in deeply. She had not meant to go that far. She hadn't wanted him to know how much that had hurt her but the blank expression on his face gave nothing away to what he was thinking.

"I'm not going to pretend that that didn't hurt, it did but I am not like you. I don't go around shagging every willing body and for you to even think I would shows me how little you knew me, if you knew me at all." The last few words shuddered out and she fought to keep her cool. "Trust works both ways and I may have done my fair share of deceiving but James so have you, therefore I would suggest that you don't be a hypocrite."

"I have every intention of honouring my vows Lily," he said his voice low and steady but she could tell he was controlling his anger. "All I am saying is that you honour yours as well."

"I would think that mine wasn't the one in question James."

He gave her a dark scowl but said nothing. "I think I should leave now."

"That is the best idea you've had so far." She said and he turned and headed for the boxes she had pointed too earlier.

"I'll come back around eight," he said then as an after thought added, "Thanks for dinner."

"No problem."

Lily felt disheartened, the lack of trust James had for her was obvious but he seemed completely annoyed that she had indicated that she didn't have any trust in him. The only thing was, she did trust him.

Lily watched as he stacked two of her boxes near the door…_time will only tell how our lives were going to be_, she guessed as she went into her bedroom to pack her clothes.

He said nothing when he left, all she heard was the snick of the door.

And so their marriage has begun.

…

Lily studied the people gathered around James's flat. Ferreira was the only one who knew about the baby and from the look on her face Lily guessed that she probably figured out that this has something to do about her and James as a couple as well.

Last night was her first night in this flat since they'd stopped sleeping together. The spare room was of course smaller than the master bedroom but it suited her needs. James had offered her his but she couldn't bare to see, much less sleep in, a bed that had only so recently held his mistress, though it was not only that that had her saying no.

All those times, those mornings that had always seemed brighter when she woke from his bed, in his arms, will not longer happen. It had been a place of magic and peace but now it had been replaced. _Probably with an even bigger bed than his king-sized one so that he could hold orgies every night,_ she thought disgustedly and unfairly.

She knew that if James had changed everything in his apartment that had reminded him of her then ridding himself of the bed would be the first thing he'd do.

"I take it this gathering is to announce that the two of you are back together again." Sirius said dryly before waving his hand in a bored fashion. "No need, we've known the two of you would eventually work things out."

Lily said nothing, what could she say. They were only _technically_ back together but it did her heart good to know that the others were hoping that James loved her enough, never mind that there wasn't any love to be had.

"No you didn't," Peter said looking at him oddly.

"Of course I did, you probably had _misunderstood_ me," Sirius said to him.

"No I didn't. You plainly said 'James is an addled fool, the idiot wouldn't go back to Lily, never mind that she is the best thing that's ever happened to him.'"

"Err…" Sirius muttered sneaking a glance at James's annoyed face as Lily felt her breath hitch in her chest. She'd had no idea Sirius considered her so. She felt an strange urge to hug him and more than that she felt a urge to cry.

"Never mind all that," Hannah said waving her arm in a shooing motion. "I know that the two of you have been having problems and that you separated for some reason a few weeks ago—three was it? Whatever, my point is that one or both of you are hiding something from the rest of us and I want to know what.

As Sirius mentioned, this is an odd place for us all to meet. We've never assembled here as a group before, though I for one have never even been in the building before now. You have something more important to tell us than that you're getting back together, so lets hear it."

James reached down and took hold of her hand, startling Lily who was giving Hannah sheepish expression.

"We do have an announcement to make," he said and smiled leaving Lily stunned as to how he looked, pretending to be happy. His expression made her heart leap in her chest. God, she loved him.

"We're married," he said and his announcement was met with silence. After a couple minutes he cleared his throat before speaking again. "And, uh, we're also pregnant."

It took a few moments before at least one person reacted.

"Congratulations," Remus said grinning coming forward to hug her before shaking James's hand.

Ferreira too, then jumped up from her seat to pull Lily into a hug. "Oh you got married," I'm so happy for you." She said then pulled back. "Of course I'm a bit vexed that I wasn't a bridesmaid but that's alright, you'll just have to owe me something."

Peter followed with a "congratulations" of his own and then Sirius got up and poked them both in the arm.

"Ow," they both muttered together rubbing the poked place.

"What was that for?" James asked.

"For not telling us everything before stupid," Sirius answered. "But I'm happy for you anyway. It's about time you opened your eyes again."

James gave him an odd look before he stepped away to make room for Hannah.

"Oh my goodness," Lily exclaimed upon seeing her. "Why are you crying?" this was not the reaction she expected. Indeed she far more expected anger than tears.

"Because I'm so happy for you," she said wailing and went to hug Lily, who felt her own eyes begin to prick with tears. Soon they were both crying and had male part of the gathering looking at them warily.

"It's the hormones," was all Ferreira said and she smiled at their uncomfortable faces.

When the crying was over, Remus suggested they do something to celebrate. It was Sirius who suggested they all go out to dinner and get drunk afterwards, except for the mum to be of course.

The night was festive and happy and Lily enjoyed herself… if only her life wasn't such a sham.

…

It was about five thirty when Lily got home that evening. It had been a tiring week because despite their friends' easy acceptance of their relationship and their baby Lily felt a trifle uneasy.

So between that, telling Rourke and Alana that they were married and trying not to ogle James daily she was beat.

Rourke and Alana wanted to invite them out to a celebratory dinner on Friday and _that_ was two days away. Merlin, she had told James she would handle telling Alana and her husband about them, taking the coward's way out in letting James see Rourke again.

Her and her stupid, bad choices. Somehow she got the feeling that it was all going to blow up in her face really badly. Merlin how ironic was that?

So she hadn't told them James still didn't know that Rourke was her cousin's husband, it wouldn't be that bad would it?

Yes it would.

James hadn't ever mentioned Rourke since Friday and she didn't think he ever would again but since she couldn't have told him _then_ that Rourke was just family she doubted she could _now_.

Lily flopped down on the extremely soft couch, kicked off her shoes and curled her feet under her with a heartfelt sigh. She was tired; her feet hurt for no apparent reason and she hadn't eaten, nor felt like eating, all day, or rather all week. She had forced down a fruit salad at lunch but she knew that still wasn't enough.

She racked her brain for something healthy to ingest.

Milk, that's what she needed. It wouldn't be that bad to force down some milk now would it?

Making herself get up from the couch she made her way to the kitchen and poured out a glass. She was halfway through the glass when the knocker sounded, and putting it down on the cupboard counter she went to the door and checked the peephole.

She stifled a gasp when she recognised the woman there.

Lily knew they should have gone to see them; she knew she shouldn't have listened to James, never mind the fact that at the time, she had been agreeable to it. Though seeing the woman on the other side of the door filled her with such elation and relief she was sagging with it.

Opening the door she practically fell into the woman's arms as they hugged each other tightly.

Angela had come to see them.


	7. Chapter 7: A Mother’s Words

…

**A/N**: OMG guys. Do you all hate me? I know you probably do. ITs been HOW long since I last updated? Goodness knows i'm to scared to check.

Well you can blame college and a tiny bit of procrastination on my part but its msotly skl. Well my mid-terms were not brilliant but really good. So YAY for that. And if you want to have revenge on my skl, I can give you the address if any of you would want to burn it. Preferably before the start of my finals on December 11th. That would be awesome.

Anywho I think its necessary for me to give a brief summary on the last chapter, for those who hate turning back.

…

**Chapter 6:** ... Lily and James went off to Harrow to get married on Thursday evening. They spent a dismal wedding night in seperate rooms before going back to London. By Sunday Lily had moved into James's flat and they both prepared to tell their friends that they were married and were expecting a baby. They left out the fact that they were not happily married like any other couple and let their friends think what they wanted. Now James's mum has come to visit. How will that turn out? Read and find out in..._A Mother's Words._

…

**P.S. **THIS CHAPTER IS EXTRA LONG FOR YOU...lol to make up for lost time. heehee. Thanks also to Anna who proofed.

* * *

**Back in His Bed**

…

_Chapter 7: A Mother's Words_

"Can I get you anything?" Lily asked tentatively, after leading the older woman inside to sit, feeling a bit awkward.

She didn't know how to act, although that instinctive hug she threw upon her new mother-in-law was well received. Was Angela angry? It didn't seem like it because in point of fact she was smiling.

Was she happy for them then? Possibly, though, it was difficult for Lily to decide whether or not to play the happy newlywed when she herself thought it was quite obvious from her demeanour that she wasn't.

"No, its quite alright dear, you sit down too." Angela said indicating the space next to her.

"Uh," suddenly feeling the need to re-group Lily excused herself. "I think I'll change out of my work clothes first." She said and hurried out of the room.

She was thankful however, when she reached her bedroom that people from the living room were unable to see the corridor the led to the two bedrooms. She wouldn't know how to begin to explain that they weren't the normal husband and wife.

Changing into old denims and a huge t-shirt she didn't delay in going back into the living room. Somehow she knew Angela would suspect she was hiding from her if she lingered too long.

Taking a seat next to her, Lily tucked her feet beneath her and then after waiting a moment Angela looked at her and smiled, patting her hand gently.

"How are you feeling dear?"

"I'm okay, I suppose." She said then tentatively started on what she had wanted to talk to Angela about since the beginning—her pregnancy. "The nausea was especially bad on Monday but its lessoned down some." Lily continued rubbing her stomach gently. Then she looked up to smile wryly at Angie.

"Truth be told, I haven't had much of an appetite lately either."

"Oh that's normal in some cases, that will ease up soon and you'll be eating for two in no time." She said and Lily laughed.

"I had planned on asking the healer that on my appointment next week."

"Good," she said nodding. "Also ask about the nausea, because unfortunately some women have it throughout their pregnancies. It would be a good idea to find out if you're one of them, since she can probably recommend something to lessen them."

"Thanks, I will" Lily said smiling, relieved somehow.

"My pleasure dear," Angela remarked then looked as though she wanted to say something. It seemed she changed her mind for now because she looked about her instead. "The décor has changed a bit," she noted. "Your doing?"

"Uh," Lily cleared her throat. "Actually no, James changed it himself, about three weeks ago I think." She said diplomatically. It wasn't really necessary for his mother to know that he changed everything in his home because she touched it in some fashion.

"I see." The woman muttered then sighed "I suppose I have an idea on why he did that." She said then looked at Lily. "How are you doing dear, I mean really doing not just what you feel on the surface."

Lily struggled with an answer. How could she answer that? She would like to be honest with the other woman but she was still James's mother. There was no way she was going to come between that.

"Are you happy?"

"I love him more now than I ever did," was all she said, it wasn't answer but it was the truth. Happiness though…it wasn't something that one can come by easily. You can be content with your life, with what you have, but to be happy, to live a happy life, is something everybody wants but not what everyone has.

In the past four days she'd begun to notice his habits, his little quirks that he did day in and day out and just by seeing that, by witnessing those little things her heart felt fuller. It gave her a chance to imagine what might have been, how she would be involved in his daily habits if they were really and truly a normal married couple.

She knew she looked at him far too often for someone who was working towards not being in love with him. She also knew that one of these days he'd feel her gaze on him long enough for him to catch her in the act.

As it was, things were far too tense between them already. It couldn't be anything else since they've hardly had a normal conversation between each other.

Angela turned a shrewd gaze towards her. "That's not really an answer you know." She said and as Lily opened her mouth to protest Angela hushed her.

"No love, I think I understand," she said and patted Lily's hand. "My son has changed from the boy that he once was." A sigh flowed out.

"I—I know you told me before that he," she looked up, "that his trust was broken. Was he…was it a woman?" Shed had always assumed so and the hints from the past always seemed to confirm it.

Lily held her breath as the question came out. Did she honestly want to know about a woman who'd obviously made a huge impact on his life?

"It was a woman, yes," Angie said, "but—"

"Did he love," her voice broke, "her?"

"Ah Lily my love, it's not what you think." Angela said as she pulled the girl in for a hug. "It was just after graduation, if you remember me telling you. There was no time for him to fall in love with someone else so soon after you graduated. He'd still liked you even then you know. But this, this had to do with his uncle."

"Uncle?"

"Yes, he is not with us anymore."

"Richard's brother you mean?" Lily asked bemused. It was the only uncle she'd ever heard of, or rather the only uncle she knew James ever had.

"Yes."

"So James is the way he is because a woman betrayed his uncle?" Lily asked trying to keep the incredulous tone out of her voice.

"Lily," Angela chided a bit sad. "It was more than that, she betrayed James too; she was the worst sort of person. I can only hope my son understands the difference in what was then and what is now."

"I don't understand. I know you can't tell me and I'm not asking you too. I just wish—" Lily broke off and sighed. "I wish I knew more, I wish he'd tell me more, talk to me at least because its not helping, knowing that there is a reason he wont love me and not being able to do anything about it other than wait to see if he confides in me."

"I know you don't, I was only trying to tell you not to give up hope because you're the only one who belongs with my son."

Lily gave a short saddened laugh. "I don't think I'm what's best for him." She swallowed, telling Angela this may alter how the older woman thought of her.

She hadn't known this was bothering her this much but now that she was on the verge of spilling to Angela she knew it was eating her, keep secrets like this. How it bothered her this much when James couldn't find the need to trust in her feelings for him she didn't know.

"Come now don't think like that," Angela tried but Lily cut her off.

"He doesn't know about Rourke you know, I haven't told him that he's my cousin's husband nor the fact that he's my boss as well." She told her, still trying to work her way up to what she knew she should tell her, the most important thing.

"He demanded I stop "seeing" Rourke while we're married," she said and laughed warily. "Though how could he not see how I feel is beyond me."

"Well that just shows how jealous he is," Angela said smiling as if struck by the thought. "How he still cares."

"Angie, you of all people know how possessive he is where he cares for something or not, it has nothing to do with loving me. I'm _his_ wife now, therefore I'm his." She said and fought the thrill she felt at the thought of belonging to him in more than just name only. "The ironic thing is both Rourke and Alana wants to take us out to dinner on Friday. I don't know who to deal with that. I can't lie to them, they'll know if I was."

"Honey I'm sure you'll work something out but—"

"There is no but…I've been so mixed up about everything." Lily said feeling a bit claustrophobic. "It's clear that what ever intimate feelings he had for me then is practically nonexistent now. We hardly say a word to each other and it feels as though we can't even be friends, the way everything is, it's so tense."

Lily gave a nervous twitch. She wanted to get a few things of her shoulders, voice some of the fears she had stuffed into the far recesses of her mind but she wasn't sure if it would be a good thing to say what she wanted to say in front of his mother, _to_ his mother even.

"I can't let him take all the blame," she said wringing her left hand with her right. "I mean if it had been just him with all the secrets then it might have been easier for me to ignore our entire situation." She looked at Angela. "That I haven't told him about Rourke is one thing but," she said then stopped. It was difficult to go on, not knowing how this was going to change the other woman's perception of her.

"Go on love, don't worry about it. It can't be as bad as you think it is."

She swallowed before taking a deep breath and then not looking at Angela she went on. "I knew I was pregnant when I broke things off with James. I gave him a choice, to choose me willingly or go on without me. I knew we weren't going anywhere—that things weren't going to progress to a more permanent relationship but I still gave him an ultimatum anyway, he was being distant and it hurt." She finished it all with a gasp for breath before finally looking to see her mother-in-law's reaction.

It wasn't one she was expecting, however.

"Oh love, I had a feeling you were. When I saw you that day for lunch before my anniversary I knew something was the matter, I just hadn't quite put my finger on it. And then when James told us about your pregnancy I'd suspected you were going through a difficult time.

"I don't blame you lovie. As a woman I can't say if I had been you if I would not have chosen that route. Maybe I wouldn't have I don't know but I am sure that my pride would have made me done exactly that. What's done is done. I am not holding it against you and I am sure when the time for you to tell him comes, he would not as well."

_You can't be sure._ She thought distressed.

Seeing the misery on her face, however Angie decided to end that particular conversation.

"Just promise me something won't you?" she asked and Lily stared at her a bit wary.

"Now don't give me that complicated face Lily. I just want you to promise not to give up on him. I know its asking a lot of you but I hope you try and get past that fact that he's a bull-headed and irritating man like his father. When you get through to him you'll see, it'll all be worth it." She said then smiled. "You be the one to make the first move remember him for how he was back in school, or even when you were happy together."

Lily struggled to accept what the other woman was telling her but it wasn't easy. She almost laughed, nothing in her life so far had been easy. She just hoped she'd find some kind of happiness soon.

"I suppose I can but I'm not promising. He can get me madder than anything sometimes. He says the most arrogant things and believes that he's right. He drives me totally crazy."

Angela sighed. "Yes, I'm afraid that runs in the men in our family. Being obstinate is their trait." She said and then tilted her head a bit to study Lily. "You look tired though Lily, have you been resting much?"

Thankful for the change in subject though, Lily had to grimace at the question.

"Not exactly," she replied. "It's been hard trying to rest when there are so many things going on and when I do rest I don't sleep."

"Come on then, lie down for a bit. I'll stay a while so take a short nap."

"Oh no I couldn't do that," Lily waved the possibility away. It wasn't that she didn't want to sleep on Angela's lap, it was just so awkward. What if James came home? What if he got mad at her for doing so? She didn't think he would. He had never been that way but people change.

Why did things have to be like this? She was James' mother, not hers, and it wasn't as though they had the proper marriage that she could use Angela as a surrogate mother, or the mother she needed now when hers had died.

In a couple years when they've separated all she would be to the family was the baby's mother. She wouldn't have the right to bask in the warmth Angela's mothering.

Knowing selfishness was the cause, Lily assented to placing her head onto her mother-in-law's lap.

…

James tugged at his tie as he closed the door behind him. He was feeling discontent lately. Although if he wasn't honest with himself he could claim that his wife wasn't the source of this feeling and live his days in complete denial but as it was he was honest with himself.

Having Lily live with him and not being able to touch her was becoming pure hell. How the hell did he fool himself into thinking that he'd seduce her into submission when he married her and they'd have at least that part of their marriage all normal like?

More and more as the hours passed between them, he would want to talk to her but couldn't and half the time he wished she ask him about something or say have something else to talk about besides the bloody weather.

That topic can only stand two sentences before the two of them would be back to saying nothing to each other.

How was it on Saturday they had dealt with everything and had at least spoken civilly with each other. He sighed and looked around, the flat seemed empty but oddly enough didn't feel that way.

Walking past the corridor he hesitated in calling out her name to see where she was, that is until he reached his living room and stopped in surprise to see his mother sitting on his couch with Lily's head on her lap.

She was sleeping and oddly enough seeing her that way he felt stunned by her fragility. She looked like a small child laying there and all he could do was nod his head in greeting to his mother.

"I called on you for a visit." She said softly after a few moments. "I know you wanted things to settle down for a while before you came to see us but I had to see how things are with the two of you."

When he said nothing his mother continued. "I know you don't appreciate me getting involved in your romantic escapades but this is Lily we're talking about not some trollop you always seem to have dangling on your arm."

Looking down at the girl on her lap she sighed sadly. "I wish you would think about things before you actually do them."

Somehow James was irritated by that statement. "What do you mean by that? I always think about my choices before I make my decisions."

"Not when it comes to Lily you don't." his mother replied sternly. "When are you going to realise that she is the best thing that's ever happened to you? She deserves better than the emotional rollercoaster you've put her through."

"You don't know what you're talking about." He said stubbornly refusing to consider that he was most to blame for their relationship.

"Maybe not, but I think its time you told her about why you cannot be with her one hundred percent."

"What are you on about?"

"What I'm on about my son is the fact that you're letting that woman cloud what you feel for Lily."

"That doesn't make sense, she doesn't bother me—she hasn't bothered me for two years."

"You love her James, I don't understand why you cannot realise it and Lily loves you, surely you see that much?"

"She doesn't love me mother and I can assure you have no idea about what I feel for Lily."

"What—hate?"

"Of course I don't hate her." He said shocked

Gently extricating herself Angela got up and eased a pillow under Lily's head.

"I know you don't hate her James, that's what I've been trying to get you to understand. Trust her, show that you trust her and everything else will fall into place."

James scowled he knew what his mother was trying to do but his mother made it sound like he had a trust problem.

"I'm not lacking in trust mother, I trust you, I trust dad, and I trust all of my friends, you're making it sound like have issues because of that bitch."

"Language James and I'm not saying you have trust issues with family and friends dear," she said and he noted the frustrated tone in her voice. "I'm saying you have trust issues with women, your women—period! Not that I'm saying you not trusting your former play things was a bad thing; that was good. You not trusting Lily, now that is a totally different situation."

"I do trust Lily mother," he said stiffly.

"Yes, I think you do but it hardly counts since its so little. If you trusted her, my son, you would open your heart to her. As it is…" she shrugged and turned and walked to the front door.

Before opening it she turned to James, who had followed her. "Try James, will you? Forgive the other because you've wronged each other then move on."

With that she then opened the door and walked out, closing it behind her.

…

James stared at the door his mother just closed. He didn't know what to make of her cryptic words. His gaze moved on and stopped to where Lily lay still asleep on the couch.

His mother said not to wake her but from what his mother said she hadn't eaten when she got home.

Frowning, he decided he make something for her and force it down her throat if he had to because from what he had noticed these past couple of days was that she'd hardly eaten anything for breakfast or dinner. She might have had bigger lunches at work but somehow he doubted that.

Turning he headed for the kitchen where he proceeded to raid his ice box for something to put together.

When he was finished ten minutes later he took the plate and placed it, with a glass of orange on the coffee table before straitening.

James stood there looking at her, curled into sleep and a wave of nostalgia washed over him.

He used to look at her while she was slept, he remembered. Curled up next to him, she used to give out a purr-like snore, twitching her nose a few times before burying herself further into him.

He'd always relished the feeling of possessiveness that had rushed through him every time she did that. Her hair was in a tangle cloud about her face and he hardly noticed he knelt to get closer to her until he saw himself reach out with his hand to brush her face free.

Cupping her cheek, his heart skipped a beat when she moved into his touched and mumbled his name.

Not having the heart to think about what that meant and more importantly, how that made him feel, he removed his hand, sat on the coffee table and shook her shoulder gently.

"Lil," he murmured softly. "Lily."

"James," came her sleepy reply but she didn't wake up.

His breath caught, as a feeling of wanting washed over him. Lust stirred in him and he had the need, the urge to burry himself deep inside her warmth and stay there.

The feeling was made all the more tender by knowing that she carried his child, though, fighting the urge to kiss her awake, he shook her a bit harder and said her name a little louder "Lily."

Her eyes blinked open as she tried to focus on him before giving him a sleepy smile.

"Hey," she said her voice husky from sleep.

"Hey yourself," he said and couldn't help but respond to her smile with one of his own.

She sat up and as if remembering where she was and what she was doing she asked, "Your mum?"

"Mother left. She said not to disturb you but I _know_ you haven't eaten anything." He said and picked up the plate he had set down before and handed it to her. "And I'm not only talking about today.

"I made you a ham sandwich and I know you like ketchup on it but we're all out." He said, finding it oddly pleasing that he said 'we'.

She stared at it for a few seconds before smiling brilliantly at him which in turn caused him to suck in his breath at the need that arose in him. He didn't understand why she affected him so.

"It's okay," she said. "And thanks I haven't had much of an appetite lately."

"I've noticed and I'd meant to speak to you about that. I was thinking about asking your healer about it."

She laughed lightly. "I was thinking the same thing." She said but when she looked at the plate she voice held an odd note. "Though I'm not so sure anymore, I feel hungry all of a sudden.

"When is your next appointment?"

"Next week. Why?"

"I was serious about asking your healer about you. I want to go with you next time."

"Oh okay," she smiled and told him the time.

…

Opening her eyes, to see his handsome face looming over her felt like a dream so she thought nothing of it when he smiled back at her. And now looking at the food he handed her, Lily smiled again. She didn't know what brought about this sudden change but she liked it.

What Angela said, that she shouldn't give up, maybe she should listen, Lily thought faintly as she felt a warmth settling in her, a hope…that maybe he did care for her, at least a little.

She squelched the urge to hug him as she felt like doing since he announced that he made something for her to eat. That he had noticed she had been hardly eating these past few days was cheering, that he wanted to be with her when she went in for her check up felt wonderful.

She felt happy suddenly, which was completely contradictory seeing as how she was feeling frustrated and weepy just about an hour ago.

Looking at the appetising ensemble on her plate Lily had to smile and for the first time in days, she felt her stomach protest its hunger loudly. Whether it was the fact that James prepared it or her body finally felt like ingesting food she didn't know but she began to eat it.

Halfway through her food, James got up and headed for the kitchen and silly as she was she felt a sense of loss at his departure. Calling herself ten times the fool she took a drink of orange. She knew rationally, that he wouldn't just sit an watch her eat, it would be uncommon yet she felt herself wishing for it anyway.

A moment later however, he returned carrying his own food with. _So he didn't desert me after all_, she thought trying to make light of her relief to herself.

A few minutes passed and she was enjoying the calm silence between them until she remembered what she had to ask him today. The thought alone was enough to make let out a deep sigh.

"Why the long sigh?" he queried, startling her from her thoughts.

"Nothing really," she said. "Its just that my cousin Alana and her husband would like to take us out for a celebratory dinner." Should she tell him now about Rourke or wait? Merlin she didn't know.

"Really?" he asked, his tone giving naught of his feelings. "When?"

"Friday," she said feeling a bit wary. Lily had half hoped that he'd say he had plans, or rather 'they' had plans—though she didn't have to think about which she preferred when the latter sounded way nicer. Whatever, just take a deep breath and _tell_ him.

"Friday's good, tell them that's fine. Let me know where they plan to treat us by tomorrow okay?"

"Uh—yes—sure—okay," she stammered out before raising her eyes to meet his. She suppressed a shiver of awareness as she made contact with his hazel gaze.

Wanting flowed through her. Merlin what his eyes did to her. He could always set her afire when those enigmatic eyes focused on her. The need to feel all of him was overwhelming. Tension zapped between them and Lily knew he wanted her as well.

She could have laughed. Well sex never _ever_ was bad between them. It had always been an explosion of energy fluidity between them. Their relationship had been based mostly on sex and it had ended up being the deciding factor on whether she should stay with him for as long as the sex lasted.

Then she'd gotten pregnant and that had cinched it. Now though she didn't know where things stood between them. Falling back into the old way was easy enough but to many things had passed between them these past few weeks.

"You should rest," James said suddenly breaking the tension between them.

"What"

"You look tired, and mother did say not to wake you so I think its bedtime for you." He said lightly.

"I'm fine, your mum _made_ me sleep on her lap," she said grinning striving to be light as well. Neither of them were ready to make this into a serious discussion.

"Mother has a knack for forcing people into things they'd rather not do," he replied wryly.

"I didn't mind," Lily said and moved to get up. "Your mum is the best."

"Then you can have her," he said eagerly, his face amused and breaking into a devilish grin. "Take her she's yours."

Lily laughed. "I don't think it works that way but I might use her from time to time."

"Mi mama es su mama," he said grandly, getting up to bow.

"Right," she said, now standing next to him. "I think I'll take you up on that." And then surprising them both she reach up and kissed him – lightly on the cheek.

"Thanks James," she said blushing a little at her forwardness and turned and made for her bedroom.

…

James's hand went to his face, touching the spot unconsciously.

_What just happened?_

All he knew was that he was enjoying himself for the first time in weeks, they were both laughing together and then …she kissed him. Albeit on the cheek but he had checked himself from reaching out to take hold of her and kissing her in more imaginative ways.

Merlin. What was going on with him?

He was feeling so odd, so out of sorts. He hardly ever joked around anymore and that light brush of lips against his skin did nothing for his piece of mind. It made him ache for things. Things that can't be. Things that should not be but he cannot help _but_ ache for it.

Now the only question is what is he going to do about it.

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Please Read and Review!!!!!!!!

Luv ya guys

**Oh and Christmas Fics are on the horizon. It'll either be one or two**

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	8. Chapter 8: The Other Man

**Hola Muchachos!!**

**A/N:** LOL. Okay so its been a **LOOOOOOONG** time. A seeriously long time since i last updated. I got a few messages saying that i should contniue and not quit the story. I never did quit it. Alas between school and work it has been a rather difficult time to get some free space to write. I added a bit here and there along the road but i feel that you guys deserve something for waiting to so long. I i decided to finsiht he chapter and post it just before i start studying for my 2 tests coming up this week.

I thank you a lot for being patient with me. I know some of you will have to go back and read to see where i left off last time and I'm sorry you have to do so! As for when my next chapter will be, well finals are in teh last week of April so i would eve be half done before then. Hopefully it wont take as long next time as it did this time.

I love you guys a lot for staying with the story!

Thanks and Byes -muah-

_**SASH**_

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**Back in His Bed**

_Chapter 8: The Other Man_

Not a thing!

Not one bloody thing.

James knew he had to drill the litany into his head; he was going to do nothing at all. They, him and her. James and Lily no longer have that sort of relationship and for him to dive in were _his_ certainty was uncertain then it would just lead to trouble as it most likely would.

He would also try and pretend that stupid notion he'd had about seducing her hadn't occurred to him. Seriously, what the bloody hell had he been thinking anyway? Seduction was the last thing he wanted to do since it was him who was being seducing and not even knowingly at that.

Twisting he slammed his fist into his pillow for the fiftieth time and glanced at the clock by his bedside. The hands showed it was one thirty five.

Damn it she was plaguing him. He was sleeping in fits and spells because all he could think about was getting her out of her clothes and onto her back which is not what he should be thinking of.

Bloody hell, his mother was going to pay for making him obsess about Lily like this. Her and her damn meddling.

James didn't know how much time had passed as he opened his eyes and noticed the room alight with moonlight. Her silhouette pale as she stood in the doorway that led to his bedroom.

"James, I want you," her voice, soft and needy floating to him. "I love you."

Merlin, how good it felt to hear those words on her lips, it was like he'd been waiting for an eternity to hear her say them.

"Lily," was all he said and she flew to him. He pulled her into his arms and groaned at the feel of her soft supple body against his. _Lord she felt good_, he thought as his arms tightened around her and his mouth tasted the skin on her neck.

He didn't want to question how she came to him; he was just immensely relieved and happy that she did.

Then she kissed him, lightly, where her face was buried against his neck and he shuddered with longing.

Shifting her head he brought her lips to his and kissed her softly, reverently before devouring her, feeding his need with the taste of her. She tasted delicious, a taste that was uniquely her and he hardened at the prospect of being one with her.

Merlin, had it only been two months ago? It felt like years since he'd been with her and not being able to stand it a moment longer he rushed to get her out of her nightgown and naked beneath him.

Moments later he revelled in the touch of his naked body against hers, the feeling almost brought him to the brink

"Lily," he said, bending to kiss her breasts, laving it, sucking deeply until he had her writhing beneath him.

And as he went to kiss her mouth again, to grind his hips against hers she grinned and tried to roll him over. However, he shifted away not willing to let her be the one on top but she pushed anyway and he fell. Awake now he glanced around bewildered. His breath was laboured, he was sweating, he was hard and he was on the floor. Bloody hell it had all been a freaking dream.

He cursed again and again, painting quite the colourful picture and he berated himself for being so foolish.

God, the dream had seemed real and by all that was holy, he'd wanted it to be real. Twisting he leaned against the headboard trying to bring order to the chaos that was his thoughts.

He wanted Lily and it was more than her body, he wanted her love as well, he realised that now but now that he knew what he wanted, what the hell was he going to do about it?

…

"You're nervous," James stated, bemused that Friday morning before they both left for work.

"Am I?" and even to Lily her voice seemed to crack.

"I think it's fairly obvious since I don't think anything would be left of your eggs." He said staring at the mangled eggs in point.

Dropping the fork on the plate, Lily picked up her mug of coffee instead and held it with both hands. _Tell him now, tell him now._

"I'm," she murmured, stopped then shrugged. James wanted badly to question and dig into her private life but he wasn't going to if she didn't want to tell him of her own free will.

Of course he _craved_ to know as well but he had to keep himself in check. The past couple days have been very pleasant ignoring the fact that he had a constant level of lust around him whenever Lily was there. There was no tension between them now, when they were together and for that alone he was quite accepting of this peace treaty and not in any hurry to break it.

"How is it that I've never met the bloke," he asked instead, another question that had been niggling in his mind. "They've been married for months right?"

"I don't know... it is odd isn't it. I mean they're usually dependant on the other and they're hardly apart when they're both free from work but then we'd hardly had a lot of free time to go out with other people when we were together."

Lily felt falsely cheerful and her stomach was in knots. Was it any wonder she couldn't eat? She should have told him exactly who Rourke was from the very beginning, then none of this would have happened but no she chose to remain a coward to the last possible moment and now, tonight they were to meet Alana and Rourke for dinner.

Great!

Since his mother's visit James had been in such a good mood that it was hard to bring up. They didn't have those quiet tension filled moments anymore and, more importantly of course, he didn't look at her as though marrying her was the worst thing he'd ever done.

Well, not that she could actually tell through his famous expressionless looks he usually gives but she knew he had to be thinking it.

James however frowned as he considered what she said, it was a cryptic answer. Did she have to be quite so vague?

Well even though the entire exchange was odd it was even worse by the time they were ready to leave the flat. She'd developed this constant nervous twitch now and although it wasn't there when she talked to him he saw it when she was quiet.

She had to be wondering about his meeting with her family, that's all there was to it.

…

And now as the entered the restaurant Lily frantically searched her mind for a way to tell James about Rourke before he actually saw them. She started to panic when she saw the maître d'. Oh lord, she would have to ask for the Lombard party.

"James," she said, her tone even but still sounded stressed, even to her.

"Yes,"

"Uh I want you to … can you just assure me that no matter what—err who—you see, that you would keep a calm head about you?"

"What?"

"Just promise me that you'll try not to react, that you'll have your lawyer face on no matter what happens."

She saw the confusion written on his face as they walked up to the maître d' but he didn't have time to ask what she meant. Oh dear.

"Oh Miss Evans, good evening," the polite man before them said.

"Oh hello Gilbert, I didn't recognise you," she said and she hadn't, she'd been too pre-occupied. Not that the man looked any different from the austere black suit he always wore but she had been to this particular restaurant a total of four times in the past two years and each time had been with Alana and Rourke she didn't think she would be remembered.

Apparently he took his job very seriously.

"I take it congratulations is in order," he said nodding his head in James's direction.

"Yes, that it is," giving the man a small smile but although James found this exchange odd he didn't question the oddity of it.

As they followed Gilbert the maître d', James glanced around noting the great ambiance of the place but when he faced forward again a cold feeling settled into the pit of his stomach when he recognised the face in his line of sight.

Just what the hell was going on here? James wondered wildly, his rage reaching boiling point in two seconds flat and it seemed to get even worse when they closed the distance between them.

A hand shot out to clutch at his and he knew immediately Lily was more than scared of his reaction at seeing Lombard the bastard by the feel of her tight grip on his hand.

"James there is something I've neglected to mention to you." She said.

He didn't want to know why she was afraid.

He didn't want her holding his hand, holding him back.

"Something I should have told you ages ago but haven't." she continued but he ignored her as what he really wanted to do was shake loose her hand and leap at the bastard's throat.

His face set into hard lines as they approached the table, of all the bloody luck to have. They were going to be seated with that fop and whoever the woman next to him was however he wasn't about to spare her a glance and break his gaze on the man.

Rourke cleared his throat, though James didn't notice the look of nervousness he passed onto his companion.

"I take it from the look of murder in your eye that Lily hasn't told you anything has she?" the bastard said hoarsely as he looked to the woman next to him for obvious help and backed up a tiny step. James wasn't so far gone for him not to notice when a bloke needed saving.

And that just plunged him into confusion. Seriously, just what the hell had he gotten himself involved in?

"Uh James, hi," the woman next to the git interrupted. "I don't know if you remember me from the few brief but witty instances we had with each other, but I'm Alana."

_What?_

James snapped his head to face her. It really was Alana, Lily's cousin.

"Lily," he said his voice held a cold note of warning. An explanation was needed now. He wasn't going to settle for anything less. Things had escalated gotten out of hand.

Too many secrets were being kept, he was the only one in the dark and he didn't like it one bit.

"Rourke is my supervisor at work and Alana's husband. She let me borrow him for your parent's party." Lily said meekly then turned to him with what he supposed was an earnest expression. "You're the one who jumped to the wrong conclusion; I just didn't see it fit to correct you at the time. Then things got out of control and I couldn't bring myself to tell you no matter how much I tried.

"I asked your mother for advice but all she told me was that you'd understand and then I knew it was because you'd hated him so much that you wouldn't you see reason even when I would have chosen to tell you." She said.

"Lily," Alana said, "rambling."

"Right," taking a deep breath, she stopped her tirade of words and looks at him, judging his reaction to her hurried explanation.

"Um, I think its best if we leave them to uh, discuss things," Rourke said and put his hand out to his wife. "Come my love, let's dance."

Although looking concerned at James's silence Alana took her husband's hand and let him lead her to the sparse dance floor.

And as soon as they were out of earshot James swivelled to Lily.

"Let me get this straight, you brought him to my mother's party, acted as though he was your lover and you now expect me to swallow, even though I told you never to see him again, you did so every day?" his voice was evenly cold.

"It's not like that between us, I just told you that. It was complicated. Alana suggested I take Rourke because your mother insisted I come with a date. So I went then you thought he and me were…you know and then everything went weird after that."

"Lily—" he stopped. He didn't know what he wanted to say. He was angry but the feelings inside him that are crashing together were something more than that. He felt a slight relief but he hated himself for feeling that way.

Betrayal, by his mother who obviously knew everything that was going on.

Hatred for her, for himself and for Lombard the bastard and his wife.

"Please let's not ruin things. Alana and Rourke wanted very badly to have us all together like a family, like friends."

His jaw locked shut and Lily saw a muscle tick, so hard he was at keeping his mouth closed. "No," he bit out after several moments. "I don't want to finish this somewhere else, and by your meaning I take it you want to continue it at home _after_ this sorry excuse for a dinner."

Her silence was answer enough.

"I want to finish this now!"

It was all James could do but yell. He was supposed to sit there and be polite to a bloke he'd hated from the first moment he set eyes on him with Lily on his arm? And on top of that to now to know all of that was a lie, how was he supposed to carry on a decent if not civil conversation when all he wanted to do punch Lombard in his face and go back home and strangle his lovely wife.

"James we're causing a scene. I think its best if we leave this here for now." Lily said glancing around warily but frankly James couldn't care less about who was looking. He was seriously enraged and his hand actually itched to punch something.

He was silent for a few moments as he fantasized about smashing Lombard's teeth from his mouth. That would please him very nicely and would satisfy him for a bit if not placate his anger.

Lily on the other hand looked at his uncompromising face and contemplated on whether or not she should break his silence. Before she could decide Alana and Rourke returned signalling their being alone was over. Lily wasn't sure if that was a good thing seeing as how James twitched briefly in his seat.

"Hey," Lily said forcing a bright smile on her face of which both Alana and Rourke could see right through.

"Yes," Alana answered and glanced briefly up at her husband, silently communicating with him. "We were thinking that it might be best if we postpone this little, uh, celebration for another time. The two of you need to talk some things out and it wouldn't be right if we four sat here all through dinner and pretended that everything is honky dory, when it isn't." She continued then paused briefly casting a swift glance in James's direction and meeting his gaze before saying, "and I would like to keep my husband's lovely face from getting butchered. I hope you understand that I wouldn't oblige you on that."

Her pointed remark startled a brief laugh from James.

"Indeed, I think that I, the one who owns with the said face is in question would greatly appreciate this time for communication." Rourke quipped—or tried to. Alana had only smiled indolently at him, Lily looked frustrated and James Potter? Well, he just stared at him considering, as if re evaluating him.

Probably not though, he wouldn't be as lucky enough as to get away from the kind of danger Potter presented. He heard the rumours, knew too few facts but what he knew for sure that Potter was dangerous. Rourke just hoped he was man enough to actually face what he felt openly and not hide behind the anger and use it to push Lily further away.

…

James pushed his chair back and stood. "Well then I can't really say it's been a pleasure." He said and thought he made a massive understatement. "And I would add more about this delightful meeting but then one never knows the ramifications of what one has to say to make polite conversation."

"Goodnight," And then not waiting for Lily to follow he turned and walked away.

Lily stared after him for a second before turning a contrite look to her family. "I'll see you guys soon. G'night." She said before turning to follow in her husband's wake.

Lily swore under her breath as she trailed in James' wake all the way out of the restaurant. She was such a bloody moron. A fool. What made her think she could get away with keeping this stupid secret? Now he would never trust her again. She'd thought they were on their way to becoming friends.

Well she couldn't stretch it that far but they were mending fences of sorts and now that's all gone to hell in a hand basket and it was all her fault.

Minutes later they entered the quite flat, neither of them saying a word.

When the lights were lit they faced off in the living room. His face tense he opened his mouth and said, "Now tell me the truth, was using your cousin's husband camouflage for your real purpose?

"Real purpose? What?" Lily asked confused. Whatever she thought he'd first say, never in a million years would she have though that odd bit of…whatever it was to come out of his mouth first thing.

"Did you or did you not lie about Lombard being your lover when in point of fact you were using him to hide the real identity of your _friend_?

"What kind of a maggot have you gotten into your brain?" Lily asked clearly astonished. "In the few minutes that we took to come home you came up with this cockamamie notion?" What the hell was wrong with him? He couldn't be that dense as to not to understand the meaning of everything, could he?

She thought he did get it, thought he'd figure it out from what she'd told him but…

She was at a loss. Why was Merlin seeing it fit that she never lead a normal, happy life?


End file.
